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Post by soulfir3 on Sept 21, 2006 21:58:34 GMT -6
* titled : COLD TREASON *
A silent vigil of healing,
Ingrained by the unfeeling hands of death
Heated words, struck the skin
And sunk deep inside, hollowing the life within
A hungry look, a wolf stalking its victim
Unseen desire , licked the life force away
A vacant stare caught,
Under the shade of lashes, shielded from the world
Remnants of your love,
Upon my hands are stained
Bloody dew of your touch, resonates
Screams of denial echo , empty against shadows
A cold touch awaits,
Greedy fingers raking through emotions
Devouring as they find, the ray of hope
Amidst the debris of forgotten dreams and maybes
Darkness holds the nightmares
And swallows the light, grasping the vein of living
By barbwire fingertips,
Silenced into forever under death's lonely cloak
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Post by anirbas on Sept 21, 2006 22:14:07 GMT -6
A visceral, visual piece that rakes the senses in the reading of it...Heck of an offering!
Sometimes, I title a poem, with the last three words of the poem...Nir.
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Post by dawness on Sept 22, 2006 3:14:10 GMT -6
simply amazing i don't want to touch nor add anything.  |
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Post by DavidMc on Sept 22, 2006 4:16:10 GMT -6
If this is the standard we can expect from you SoulFir, we're in for a treat. I think this piece is excellent. Personally I'm not one for suggesting changes to peoples work. I am just in awe of the breath and depth of talent out there  My only suggestion would be to write on and on.... David |
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Post by Sam on Sept 22, 2006 10:17:41 GMT -6
This is one great piece!! I was so touched! I have read it three times. This is my idea of wounded, hurt to the bone, broken down, despair!!! Just really, really good and very thought provoking!! Sam As for a name:  |
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Post by Sam on Sept 22, 2006 14:07:35 GMT -6
OK! So I have read it four times! Sam |
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Post by soulfir3 on Sept 22, 2006 18:42:35 GMT -6
Thanks SO much for the gorgeous responses too this piece.
I am often left with an unsatisfied feeling when I am unable too think of an appropiate title for a poem and this case isn't much different really. But I'm delighted in the knowledge that it has been received so well.
xx Soul
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Post by anirbas on Sept 24, 2006 1:19:56 GMT -6
Just gave it another re-read, S'fir...As good as the first time, I read it, untitled or not...Nir
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Post by soulfir3 on Sept 24, 2006 2:46:27 GMT -6
Many thanks Nir, I'm still stumped on a title for it though  Soul |
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Post by dawness on Sept 24, 2006 5:05:58 GMT -6
hmmmm... let the soul do the title for you... too much head will flatten it. |
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Post by liquidpromise on Sept 24, 2006 15:58:23 GMT -6
One suggestion: You could NOT write this any better, not, not, not!
Excellent just the way it is! And the title, COLD TREASON, PERFECT in my book, as this title really opens this reader to enough crumbs for me to follow it to the actual loaf of bread, if you know what I mean...
*smiles~
I am waiting to read more.
Lauren
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Post by soulfir3 on Sept 25, 2006 3:33:01 GMT -6
Dawness, thank you for the comments. I'm glad you liked this piece so much.
Lauren, delighted you found this piece so enjoyable too read. Thank you for the wonderful feedback and comments. Glad you approve of the title also, I was stumped there for awhile and then it just came too me, at about 2am a couple of mornings ago.
x Soul
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Post by liquidpromise on Sept 25, 2006 15:09:46 GMT -6
I write on the spur of the moment, most of the time, I don't even think about what's going on paper until its completion and found that some of my best works comes from the mere thought of a title alone and then the body of the poem just flows through my head to my heart to paper, to all I care to share them with.
I would like to give you one suggestion, if I may...
Go with your initial gut feeling , albeit a title first or the body of the poem first, don't doubt the energy and wisdom your muse is showing you, because most of them do appear in the early hours, usually while it is still dark. Personally,those are the times that works out very well for me, when it comes to writing.
Again trust your first and immediate instincts, they very seldom let me down, and I trust with your talent, you won't be let down either.
Sincerely,
Oh and yes, you are very welcome, dear.
Safe Journey!
Lauren
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Post by anirbas on Sept 26, 2006 21:05:50 GMT -6
Ah...I see you've added a title, S'fir...Cold Treason, suits this piece well...And agree with everything both Dawn and Lauren said, whole heartedly...Nir |
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Post by Sam on Sept 28, 2006 15:07:53 GMT -6
I think the title is perfect! OK!! So I just reread it again, twice! It is fun to read out loud, with much expression!!!! Great job, and great title!! Sam |
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Post by soulfir3 on Sept 30, 2006 2:45:38 GMT -6
Thank you both so much for your support!
x Soul
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Post by Sam on Oct 4, 2006 9:36:40 GMT -6
I am back to read it again today. Funny how certain poems can just reach out and grab hold of you!! Sam |
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Post by soulfir3 on Oct 9, 2006 5:27:53 GMT -6
I'm glad this is one of them, thank you so much for the support!
x Soul
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Post by lilly on Oct 21, 2006 6:58:13 GMT -6
soul
what can i say its a master piece
it describes exactly what im feeling now
but could never of conveyed your talent continues to impress more n more
everything is perfect dont doubt your work it is remarkable i already told u to compile it in a book
hey even if it hand written for me hehehehe sounds like a great birthday presentor chris pres straight from your soul eh u r perfect as is your work
i strive to be as good as you and with persistance one day i will be
love u now n forever more lilyoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Post by Sam on Oct 27, 2006 13:58:38 GMT -6
Back again!! Sam |
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Post by liquidpromise on Oct 28, 2006 0:33:29 GMT -6
I stll love this piece, no matter how many times I read this piece of poetic art.
LaurenC
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