Post by Juan Castrocafe on Oct 2, 2006 9:06:36 GMT -6
((forward: this is based on the perspective of my observation of another man who is addicted to cocaine and is seeking help finally..mainly because he hit his wall..so, it is not about me directly..though I wrote it based on the impression from this fellow))
Lonely
That I asked to be loved, I loved and loved
that love became a word more empty than
the arms I stretched to something that was not there,
and she looked at me, as if I was the wind
held in something solid like eternity,
that I was always the sun shining into the rose filled valley
of all that beauty could be intended in her eyes,
and I met the world with a tear
as my hand loosed, that it never held
delicate strength,
it was not nurtured by this foreign gift
in a package I did not know how to receive
or even return to sender…
I watched her fall to the earth of her despair
and every feather fall from angel’s wings
as she took flight in hope
if for a moment, I was that world,
wholly defined and held,
when sometimes I was no more feeling
than a rock,
thrown across a stream to embed in rotting leaves under
a lifeless oak tree
could I rise or fuse one green stand
and give life to leaves and bear the sun again
I must have led her to my own barren desert to starve
and once there, like some crippled monster
myself wounded and withering parched to my soul...
all I could do was watch...
and keep nothing so focused to bring me down
as I am my own best hole digger
maybe because honesty if at once cruel,
is kinder than silence and unspoken,
I was a murderous liar unto all things, myself included
lays waste to things that lead to indolent tremors
of whisping spirits off the candle’s wick
when life is cold and times treat tribulation
like a firm reward…
I could taste her flesh and eat her heart,
but love was the one element missing in the puzzle of my lust
and lust makes liars of us all when hunger demands satiation
and in the rumination of yet another session of shitting
out the past with full indigestion
ever upwards and onwards,
I could have loved more deeper
I could have done much better, but then,
there is no turning back from a car wreck,
there is only what’s left
and what’s known,
when there is lonliness
and being alone…
and in all the things I could have done
I simply didn't...
Lonely
That I asked to be loved, I loved and loved
that love became a word more empty than
the arms I stretched to something that was not there,
and she looked at me, as if I was the wind
held in something solid like eternity,
that I was always the sun shining into the rose filled valley
of all that beauty could be intended in her eyes,
and I met the world with a tear
as my hand loosed, that it never held
delicate strength,
it was not nurtured by this foreign gift
in a package I did not know how to receive
or even return to sender…
I watched her fall to the earth of her despair
and every feather fall from angel’s wings
as she took flight in hope
if for a moment, I was that world,
wholly defined and held,
when sometimes I was no more feeling
than a rock,
thrown across a stream to embed in rotting leaves under
a lifeless oak tree
could I rise or fuse one green stand
and give life to leaves and bear the sun again
I must have led her to my own barren desert to starve
and once there, like some crippled monster
myself wounded and withering parched to my soul...
all I could do was watch...
and keep nothing so focused to bring me down
as I am my own best hole digger
maybe because honesty if at once cruel,
is kinder than silence and unspoken,
I was a murderous liar unto all things, myself included
lays waste to things that lead to indolent tremors
of whisping spirits off the candle’s wick
when life is cold and times treat tribulation
like a firm reward…
I could taste her flesh and eat her heart,
but love was the one element missing in the puzzle of my lust
and lust makes liars of us all when hunger demands satiation
and in the rumination of yet another session of shitting
out the past with full indigestion
ever upwards and onwards,
I could have loved more deeper
I could have done much better, but then,
there is no turning back from a car wreck,
there is only what’s left
and what’s known,
when there is lonliness
and being alone…
and in all the things I could have done
I simply didn't...
