Inside Myself

[soulfir3]

I am falling
slowly, drowning with the guilt
should, I have held on longer
waiting, for another way out ?
was all the games and happiness
only ever a mind set -
where, everything I thought I had
wasn't really there
just an illusion of what promises
were smashed

Here in the darkness,
I know I am sad,
it's the only emotion, I know for certain
is real.. oh that and when I'm mad
the ever living doubt
of everything we did,
all those years of smiling
and the unknowing,
that is was all pretense and glam

Nothing was real
nor full of heart..
another restless beat, till one of us
drifted further from the other
- life ate us apart -
when the guilt of everything,
became our reason for sticking things out

I am falling
and there's no way now,
too pad the landing,
free falling, my feet grazing
and the blisters are burning
all these years, when so much passed
in honesty, I was never able to forgive you

- does this make it all worthless ? -

[soulfir3]

it is here in the dark,
that I no longer see myself as ugly
but nameless, anonymous
as are the shadows,
that surround and touch the deepest
parts of myself -

where the tears are unfelt,
but scorch the skin,
with their heat -
hatred -
fear
and self doubt

it is here, in the dark
that I allow myself to surrender
to the hollow victory I feel within
those empty, longing moments
I once treasured - part of you and I
Us -
long gone, lost
within the winter winds

[anirbas]

dark, sumptiously arrayed poetical platter of retrospectioning and renewal
after the past has come and gone...beautiful, just beautiful...

[shell]

Soul these two poems are wonderful. Even in darkness you create sacred space. The compassion in this agony has such a powerful voice -

"the guilt of everything,
became our reason for sticking things out"

This is such a masterstroke - so how it is for so many - gutting, eh? Your poems are breath-taking, darling Sister, i am in awe!

xxxxxx

[brandnewmessiah]

There is pain and loneliness and a touch of betrayal in this piece Soul. You have wrapped them all into a powerful write. Loved it! ~BNM

[soulfir3]

Thanks everyone, glad you enjoyed these two pieces

~ Soul

[pegesus]

very good soul, excellent peices, sometimes being alone without interference we can be ourselves with no one to put us down.

peg