Gathered Wool

[anirbas]

~living nightmares

run...run...run...
fast as I can...can...can...
through a day thick with deception...
both others and my own...

catch my breath every chance I get...

or else this throat of mine, I just might slit...
my luck, I'd miss, just slice off my nose...
look like a pig with a snout the rest of my life...

run...run...run...fast...as...I...can...can...can...
til I hit a brick wall inside myself and over I tumble and fall...
dead to the world sleeping like a baby, no longer a thrall to my reality
and the living nightmares run...run...running...fast as they can to catch up to me...

in dreamtime, I am free...free...free...to run...run...run...
through fields lugubrious with colorful liquidic flowers
that bloom, not whither where my bare feet fall upon them...

[Juan Castrocafe]

there was a quote from a lady of stature in some literary elite circle...however the line was simple, succinct and downright brilliant..."it is not your job to like me...it is mine"..frankly both the pointing finger in and out had to pause on that one...as this too...but I wonder...do you know the muffin man?

[dawness]

great stuff, sabs! this gem reeks of an extraordinary kinetic pace of ordinary life that only you can express. next one??

[anirbas]

ggglgggl...do i know the muffin man? that's funny, Mose. made me grin reading it...

thanks, Dawn...next? hehehe...now, who's the metaphorical whip cracker?

[brandnewmessiah]

I definetly love, love, love this piece! Awesome writng Anirbas. ~ BNM

[anirbas]

Thanks, Troy. I just got mindslammed reading you and then David, here in our little corner of darkness...ggglgggl...Sabrina.

[anirbas]

in soultime...I retreat...into the embrace of my spirit...
I neither dream, nor bless or curse any given moment...

I simply retreat...into the well of me...out of the darkness
and out of range of the lightness...

into the soft expansive fog of greyness...
a metaphysical filter, betwixt and between

those two entities, dark and light...
both filled with fear and fright...

in soultime, I let it all go...
I do not run towards dreamtime...

I run towards me, embrace myself...
step into me, my spirit skin and heal me...

holding me, hugging me, loving me...
remembering I am not alone...I have me...

and sometimes, I just need to...become the...
curtain bisecting dark and light...the grey zone...

in soultime...I retreat...into the embrace of my spirit...
I neither dream, nor bless or curse any given moment...

I simply retreat...into the well of me...out of the darkness
and out of range of the lightness...into myself...

[anirbas]

It's good to let loose one's spiritual moorings.
To simply let your thoughts wander...

Meditate without an agenda--
not a poem in your head,
not even a whisper sound of--
gears ginning and spinning
the crafting of creationing...
Even as you go about your day...

Running to and fro, a rodent trapped
on a wheel quickly burning rubber,
going absolutely nowhere...

This one needs that...
That one needs this...
And that one is jealous,
because I smiled at a baby...
Or I was talking to someone else...
Or I had my nose in a book or was penning a poem...
Or I stepped off the planet for a minute to visit the loo...
This one needs that...That one needs this...
And if that one has this, then this one
wants that, too...

Kissing everyone's boo-boos along with their butts...
I find myself bumping down a road with myriad rutts...

My mind flooded with their pain, their needs
and poems in reams of words I can't get out of my head...
Their words, those words, his words, your words, her words...
Everyone screaming no matter what they are saying...
I want...I want...I need...I need...I need...
Fix it...Kiss it...Make it all better...

And me, a well trained if not groomed dog...
Jumping through ever constricting hoops...
Executing mid-air backflips and loop-de-loops...
Even in places, I don't expect to have to...

I want...I want...I need...I need...I need...
Fix it...Kiss it...Make it all better...
And like Pavlov's dog, I leap
to make their wishes my command...
Everyone demanding my attention...
Til my soul spirals into shut-down time...

It's good to let loose one's spiritual moorings.
To simply let your thoughts wander...

To step back from it all, including yourself...
To realize, you're still playing the part
of a mindless cur performing tricks
in a dog and pony show.

I want...I want...I need...I need...I need...
Fix it...Kiss it...Make it all better...

How am I supposed to do that?
I'm a dog on the end of a chain,
just like them, not a shaman or a doctor!

But, today, tomorrow and the next one, too...
Perhaps, even a month of Sundays, or more...
If I'm fixing anything, coddling anyone, it's going to be me...
And right now, I'm in the mood to meditate...

[anirbas]

i sit in the dark and the light...
i sit in the metaphysical greyness
of the absence of darkness or lightness...

and i hear your bleak meloncholic echoes
reverberating through my brain, again and again...
whether, i'm in the flipping dark or light,
or the sweet nothingness betwixt and between...

i hear, i feel the flutters of a butterfly
ripping it's wings to shreads and tatters of gossamer
pain without gain...and i feel like the pin that tacked
the beautiful beast to a board...i wish to tear
myself from it's guts...but, i can't...
i'm the pin...as helpless as it...
i'm the pin...not the hand...

i didn't place me in the butterfly...
fate...destiny...the hand, did...

~Sabrina.









~*"...and now i guess i should have listened
when you said you had enough..."*~

~Nickelback.

[dawness]

are you the darkness
that licks my soul
dry?

[anirbas]

Thanks, DG!

~*~

I alternately drift and fight my way through the day...
Baptised, castigated and cauterized in the blood of reality...
My spirit is not here...It's there...Curled into the fire of your warm soul...

Mentally and emotionally, on pointe, dancing my way across curls of razor wire...
Dreaming of what might, could and would be...If only I were free...

[anirbas]

I listened to the message...
I heard your voice...
Breaking and cracking...
Colored deep with blackness,
the utter darkness
of bitter despair and pain...

And I thought of the tornadoes, again...
The ones that haunted me in nightmares
with an inexplicable, unexplainable significance...
Denizens of messengers, whirling twisters
with one intention...To warn me, something,
some thing, SOME THING, wicked, wicked,
wicked this way was coming...I could not stop
the tornadoes...They came as they willed,
at their whim, until one day they didn't anymore...

When what was to be,
I could not fathom, only feel,
had came to pass...

All I knew,
for certain,
the coming
of the tornadic
dreams did not bode well,
for you future...Not at all...Not at all...
These nightmares were a clarion call
from dreamtime...Something
horrific, beyond my keen,
was about to happen...
But, not what, where or when...

When your lies and manipulations,
took you to hell in a handbag...
I wasn't sure, if you understood,
what had happened to you...
You were so young...
In shock, perhaps...

Today, I think you finally understood...
Just how far you flung your future,
when you made the choices you did...
No matter the alcohol and drug induced haze
you were in...There are societal consequences
for these things...Incarceration for one...
And shame for the other...Today, I think...
You finally understood...You flung
your future, your very life into the fire...

I heard your understanding...
In the blood bleeding from the cracks
in your voice...In the darkness,
oozing in black waves from the tone
you used to deliver your message...

And for the millionth time, I wished there
was anything I could do, give up my life,
if neccessary...To save you from yourself,
before all was said and done
and it was to late...
To late...To late...

If I were granted
two wishes, at this moment...
One, would be to give you back that life,
at sixteen, before you turned seventeen
and slammed the book of you, shut hard...
Two, is that you would have listened to me,
when I tried to tell you if you didn't
get ahold of yourself,
something awful
was going to happen...

You laughed at me,
when I pled with you...
You laughed at me,
when I warned you...

Today, you weren't laughing...
And neither was I as I listened
to your message...I was crying
as hard as I did four years ago...
Three years ago...When the dragon
you were determined to ride,
took control of you
and took you
straight
to
hell.

And me, too...
In your fiery, crashing wake...
Yes, I could hear the sound of the tornadoes,
in that message, today...And it was coming
from your voice, on the answering machine...
I heard the sound of defeat, failure and shame
in your voice, and I pray I am wrong...
I heard I want to die in your words,
even if you didn't speak them...
I heard suicide would be easier
than this rockstrewn path...

As always, I'd rather be wrong,
than right...But...

I listened to the message...
I heard your voice...
Breaking and cracking...
Colored deep with blackness,
the utter darkness
of bitter despair and pain...

And the sound scared me...

[anirbas]

Step away from the Darkness...
Shield yourself from her angst and wrath...
She is a wraith, a repository...Of all that never was...
And all that will never be...She holds her pain,
their pain, your pain in her nascent arms,
close to her bosom...Darkness
is a screaming banshee,
an open, oozing wound...
Looking for her lost straightjacket...
Black leather with silver snaps and studs...
To curl into, coccoon herself in
and just die foaming at the mouth...

Step away from the Darkness...
You have been warned...
Where Darkness treds,
evil and wickedness follow...
All she touches withers and dies...
There is nothing inside her...
No moons or stars,
shining from her eyes...
Only darkness and pain,
she hides behind an inane mask...
Of giggles and smiles,
she can still effect,
but no longer feels...

Step, step, step away...
Bomb box, about to implode and explode...

[anirbas]

ritual

first, you shatter...
in a hard shower...
hit the floor in a scatter...
of blown ball bearings
and shards of brittle,
broken, glass...

clink-clink-ping-ping-ping-clatter-clatter...

you implode and explode...

an abstract impression
of fractured, spent materials
strewn across the room...

first, you shatter...
clink-clink-ping-ping-ping-clatter-clatter...
then, you pull yourself, together...

sweep all the pieces of yourself up...
[clean up your mess like a good girl]
onto a dust pan and dump it
into a cardboard box...
close it, make sure it stays that way,
tape it good and tight...
scrawl across it with a black,
thick lined, permanent marker--

WARNING! HANDLE WITH CARE!
LETHAL AND SHARP OBJECTS INSIDE!

you put it out at the street
with the rest of the trash...
head back into your house
with a dash, wash your hands
with soap and water, apply
your game face with a slick
of lipstick and the flick
of a mascara wand...
straighten the hem
of your riding skirt...

grab your quirt...

slide a fascile smile
across your features,
get back up on the horse
you rode in on...YOU...

and ride into the day...
like there isn't a thought
in your head but to romp and play...
gotta keep up appearances, represent...

until, the next time, you shatter
into bits and pieces of hard matter...
go through the entire ritual, again...
as the colliquisms go...
it ain't nuthin' but a thang...
all a part of your evolution...
what you have to do, to grow...

clink-clink-ping-ping-ping-clatter-clatter...

[anirbas]

sothic overlook

i sit on the perimeter
of the invisible boundaries
of sothic overlook...

a plot of green yard,
providing a scenic view
into a pecan shaded nook
of a crook in the shallow creek--
for our dearly departed by shady means dogs
and one lone feral cat that adopted me,
though it never allowed me to pet it...

sun
shining
soft and warm,
as the color of room
temperature butter...

there lies, Harry,
the hairy black Papillon;
there lies, Scrappy,
the shy, white Chihuahua...
and there lies the lone cat,
I called Silver, though it never
came to that...It had great,
golden eyes, like a bat
and it wafted
and wisked
about the yard,
like a ghost...

their biggest
mistakes in life...
being in the wrong place
at the wrong time...

kind of like me...

birds of a feather...
flock together...
so goes the old saying...
sometimes, I take solace
hanging out and writing
from the viewpoint
of sothic overlook...

let's me feel...
a little less alone...

[Sam]

Yes! Yes!!! More?

Sam

[anirbas]

*nods and grins, atcha, SAmmy!*

~*~

"Lucy, I'm hoooome!"

Anirbas in the house
Slipping into corners
and down into cracks
as quite as a mouse...
Or not...Perhaps as loud
as a louse of a souse...
Springboarding from the couch
to the chair where I slouch
like an old man
clutching his
half empty beercan,
ranting and raving
at the deaf television...

Or perhaps, I'll just peek in,
on all of you, fast as I can,
graceful as a lady or a southern belle,
hosting a cotillion...ggglgggl...

I been tripping all week long...
Trying to find a moment alone...
When this little E.T.,
could just phone home!
Hang out with my peeps,
peers and mentors...
Flirt up and tease
that special one...
You know who...
But, it's Natural, or Not
Disaster Week, in Nirland...
And I'm catching myself running
to dream just to get away from it all...
When I'm not running to catch up to it all...
Fascile resolutions aren't going to fix this sh*t!
Might as well get used to that fact...
Gotta be more than one way
to skin a cat or a skunk,
as the case may be...
Or to free a lion
trapped in a cage...

Be that as it may...
I'm just tickled pink and thrilled
to be here, this moment, today...
As the minute I slipped
through the "honey,
c'mon in" open, door...

I felt like I'd reached base...
And felt inspired to say so...
And so I did, with a shout...
"Lucy, I'm hooooooome!
Don't pay the ransome!
I've escaped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


;D

[anirbas]

I often think of connections...
How precious, how tenuous they are...
Even those of the rock solid variety...
Never the less, easily bent and broken...
So, "rock solid", is an oxymoronic term, at best...

[anirbas]

I dare to live...I care to dare to live...
Inspite of the dirt on my face...
The worms wriggling, in my hair...
No matter what you say or do...
I dare to live...I care to dare to live...

Perhaps, I am the walking dead...
A zombiefied version of what and who
I could have been...Perhaps, I was always
the bane of your existence...A veritable nightmare,
you fantasized as a dream, judging from the veneer
of what I looked like on the surface...
As I was never heard...Told to shut up and look good...
There to serve a purpose...To slake your sick lust...
And nothing more...You never knew who I was or were...

You wanted a doll to play with, to command
and demean, as needed to stroke your
mean spirited ego, in front of the world
and in front of your children, too...

You never knew who I was or were...
And I've got a secret...You still don't...

I dare to live...I care to dare to live...
Inspite of the dirt on my face...
The worms wriggling in my hair...
No matter what you say or do...
I dare to live...I care to dare to live...

~Nir.










~*"do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
do you feel better now when she falls to the ground?"*~

~The Red Jumpsuit Appratus.

[anirbas]

My reclamation act seems to be in stall mode...
I don't know how to reconcile myself
to continually having to stand
still, when everything
within me...

Every cell...
Corpuscle...
Sinew, muscle
and marrowed bone...
Every nerve ending is scream,
scream, screaming...Scream singing...

A swelling crescendo of ragged sounds...
Tearing at the ear drums with it's
high pitched dissonance...

The caterwauling screechs of a violin
as the fingerpads, dance and slide quickly,
haphazardly down it's neck
from first to seventh position,
on the a and e strings;
the bow rocking wildly...

Inside me, sounds like that...
As I frantically search for an escape
from all the noise ripping me apart...
Imploding and exploding awaiting
the next phase of my reclamation...

The sweet peace and silence of freedom...

[anirbas]

i.

we must laugh at the dark satire, as much or more,
as we do the high comedy of all of life and it's living...
embrace the darkness as much the lightness...
for our nights, are as precious as our days...

as when we die, there is neither dark nor light...
no laughter, save in faded aurical splashes of echoes...

ii.

nothingness is the shade of death...
nothingness is the color of death...
not even heaven or hell dare attempt reign there...
nothingness, is all there is beyond the dark
and light contrasts found in life and living...

iii.

this is it...this is the show...and in life,
curtain calls and encores, are rare, indeed...
so, don't court death...death already courts us
around every bend, with a lover's patience, waiting...

laugh at the dark satire...laugh at the high comedy...
the greek tragedy dramatics, of all of life and living...
that's life...funny when it is and totally sad when it isn't...

~*~



now, if only i could practice what i'm preaching in this poem...
but, perhaps in the writing of it, i shall find balance...
therefore, righting myself, so i can...laugh...LOL...
no matter what, like i used to...
and practice what i'm preaching, again...

Vixen, your awe inspiring poem seems to have rattled
the bats in my emotional belfry and sent them flying...

[anirbas]

we crawl...
we walk...
we run...
we stumble...
we fall...
then we do it all
over, again and again...
ain't life grand? except for when it isn't...
what makes it fun, is all the people crawling,
walking, running, stumbling, falling around us...
knowing we aren't alone and sometimes,
leaning on one another, makes whole
process, just an eensy bit easier...

or some such rot and polyglot...
dame pulling up severely lame...
time to run into the day of nirland...

take care, beautiful people. Nir.

[anirbas]

*This post is a figment of your imagination...And possibly mine, at some point in time...
Couldn't resist storing an offbeat phrase here, I deleted from something else, I might use,
at a later date...This isn't a poem...Just a...Free-floating phrase...And good morning, afternoon, evening poetical crew! That salutation was NOT a figment of your imagination!*



There is no heaven or hell,
other than that which we create on earth...
There is no heaven or hell, only the grave...

[anirbas]

~In the Middle of Darkness

Beyond each individual brightness,
on the other side of the screened lightness...
We all sit smack dab in the middle of darkness...
With or without the lamps turned on...
We all sit smack dab in the middle of darkness...
The darkness that is our individual selves....
The only light that shines into that darkness,
happens when we open our mouths to speak...
Or shut our mouths long enough to listen...

[anirbas]

words written or typed, read over and again...
may be easily scratched out or deleted...
they cannot be, unread; so the words aren't dead...
still the writing on the wall in someone's head...

~*~

so many things that should be said...
some that shouldn't have been said at all...
i only know i'm held in adoring vasselage, a group thrall...
feeling your pain, hearing your voices in my head...

~*~

excuse me...you're stepping on my hair...
how could you miss me lying in the floor, here?
i'm spread out in a most unbecoming manner...
drying up the spilled blood with the clothes i'm wearing...

~*~

frankly, now you've got me thinking...
I don't know why I do it all...this thing...writing...
it's not like anyone is begging to publish me, you see...
and now, I see, too...it's all rubbish...good thing I like trash... ;D

~*~

my soul is drained by an unrestrained energy vampire
slurping, sucking the life out of me without emptying
a single drop of blood...my enemies, think that's good...
those who know me well enough to love me, think it's bad...

~*~

i am over whelmed with it all...all the allness of it all...
everything i cannot change...everything i have yet to change...
my skin is itching so with worry i feel like i have the mange...
heart is full of love, soul with hope, head with dreams...

~*~

i'm mired in being tired...
so off to bed i do trod and tred...
either way, i'll be shambling...
gambling on the luck of sleeping...

[anirbas]

i feel as though i'm surrounded by subterfuge...
behind the scenes angst and deception
of which i am being kept the unknowing one of...

as though i've caused hard feelings i meant never to cause...
i feel...i feel...i feel your unspoken pain touching me with it's silent fingers...

i wish i could brush away all the tears i hear falling but cannot see...
i wish mine would stop falling so i wouldn't have to brush them away...
black acid rain that sears and solders the tender skin of my fingertips...

i wish things were different and yet the same...i wish the things
i feel i don't know, had never happened...i wish i could quit accessing
all the painful emotions of others...my head, heart and mind
can't bear much more...i'm drowning in the blood of open wounds...

mine, yours and theirs...

i wish Pancho and Lefty and the Three Stooges
were still riding and chuckling together...
still part of a merry band and gang...

one for all and all for one...i was dropped on my head as a child...
and henceforth have suffered the pangs of idealism...

but, if i were a witch, you can bet your bottom dollar...
with a flick of my fingers i'd be the stitch in time that saves nine...
or three or four, for that matter...and everything would be different
and yet, the same, as it ever was...

before i became the catalyst
for so much angst and deception...

[anirbas]

i.

this love that had not yet been born or tried...
you seemed determined for which to burn and bleed...
on the chrysalic wings of a dragonfly it arose...
this love that had not yet been born...
to give you what you asked for...
it's aim, to please...

ii.

i have nothing more
to give you now...
than i ever did...
the fact that i feel
your pain; your angst
riddled bitterness; your raw,
unabated lonliness deep within me...
and my spirit is moved to shower
you with solace and all
that you ask for...
unreasonablely drawn
to touch you in all
the ways i can...

iii.

at times, i feel like a calculating siren...
a heartless, energy devouring succubus...
a willfully mindless incubus...
a blood guzzling vampire...
a black witch of ill repute...

as though, I'd drawn you,
seduced and traduced you,
innocent and naked into
the black hole that is
the darkness...that
is me...beyond
the pale...

iv.

this love that had not yet been born or tried...
you seemed determined for which to burn and bleed...
on the chrysalic wings of a dragonfly it arose...
this love that had not yet been born...
to give you what you asked for...
it's aim, to please...

~*~

An illusionist would tell you...
Nature's laws can be bent...
Inverted and recontroverted...

Love is like that...
It can occur, take place
without visible land
to plant it's
feet upon.

~*~


i curl like a snail into the shell of my skin...
my endurance tested and wearing thin...
needing that which i cannot yet have...
an encore production of once upon a time...
my hopes and dreams to cross over into reality...
not disappear when i open my eyes...
my friends act like i'm uncool...
still waiting for you like a fool...
i wonder if your friends tell you
the same thing, too...too much
red tape for that agenda...
get you a hometown girl, fella!
just the thought of that happenchance...
and i curl like a snail into the shell of my skin...

[DavidMc]

Beautiful, insightful and compassionate writing.

Love, David

[anirbas]

Thank you, David.

Your opinion, I regard most highly.

Love, Sabrina.

[anirbas]

*a poem inspired by something DG said
somewhere in some alternate universe*



Darkness released?
I need to leash darkness...
Bring it to heel position...
For when I release my particular brand
of darkness--locusts, hornets and snakes
come to town to land and eat their way
through all the daylight in my spirit...
Gnawing, chewing, eviscerating my soul...
Tearing it to shreds before my very eyes...
And all that I've worked so hard to achieve...
Darkness released? I need to leash darkness...
Bring it to heel position...Sit, Darkness, sit...
OUCH! QUICK! HAND ME A BAND-AID AND SOME OINTMENT!
THE DRATTED BITCH BIT ME! OUCH! OUCH! OW-WEE OUCHIE!

ggglggglgggl...Nir.