to be a poet

[tolteclogic]

hanging at death's door
you awaken to
new found purpose
a twice told tale
everything turns
full circle
as if it mattered
your writing
has struck a cord
who are these people
one day all happy
and friendly
the next as cold as ice
you watch the rumor
mills grind once more
your bones into dust
'Beneath obstruction'
funny how fickle
this fabric can be
this tissue of lies
come again
to take you out
at the knees
quite a thing to see
'who pulls these strings?'
you were suppose
to remain silent
in the land of the dead
but now you turn
and face your detractors
all puppets on a string
bought and sold
for the price of gold
locked into this matrix
who are you to stand
your ground did they
not take from you
everything of
any true value
and cast you
into this pit
filled with vipers

[tolteclogic]

an unfortunate bit of business
you were hidden in obscurity
entrenched in ambiguity
a double entendra double gainer
doubly mordant easy target
an enigma within a dichotomy

[tolteclogic]

it was interesting to see
the results of my
first blog, we think we
have out lived the reach
of malevolence and spite
where the truth could
be told and the record
set to right... but such
was not the case, real
evil hides in plain sight
because... "Anyone
foolhardy enough to
proclaim publicly an
inner alligence with an
identity that no one
else believes in, is
simply asking for
trouble they well
deserve for senseless
lack of discretion. In
worlds where the majority
vote is otherwise cast the
life of such a seeker may
be made very unpleasant.
That is only to be expected."
W.G.
Because it is true, as Gibran
so eloguently pointed out,
"Wisdom stands on the
street corner and calls to
us above the multitude,
but we deem her a thing
without worth and dispise
them that follow her."
Shit happens and you just
get use to it... So all those
idiots who think they are
on the path to nirvana
really haven't a clue what
they are in for within the
real world - Silence is golden.

As a young man of 21 years
working this path of the
inward way, i went in search
of my own version of
Thoreau's "Walden". My
entire life i had suffered
with indeterminate health
concerns which had
precluded any possibility
of a so called normal life.
But during this intensive
recapitulation process
something quite
unexpected happened.
And my life would be
forever altered.


Beneath Obstructed
Nov. 08, 2003

they felt they were justifed
in burning me at the stake
going through the fire
getting to the other side
being celibate all those years
not knowing what this might bring
I had become enlightened
soon to be crucified
beneath obstruction
Carl Jung did say
it is "a moment of deadliest peril!"
"this immortal" capacity
we have within
it is in the voice of sages
silent as thunder
discredit me
rob me of my good name
I can see the image you would create
a lie built upon obstruction

[tolteclogic]

This Burden

I did not ask for this burden
when one becomes two
In a moment
everything changes
that is when a teacher is needed
- chop wood carry water -
this is only the beginning
As the old Shaman will tell his
apprentice
'I am sorry that you have become
enlightened,
Now get back to work'
Waking up is nothing
living it free and undetected
in a world without vision
that is the challenge
How do you speak a laungage
that has no words?

[tolteclogic]

who stands against
this modern day
inquisition
this river of time
flows imperceptible
inescapable significance
consequence of our actions
corollary in sequence
politics as usual
all things are connected
small town education


tipping point

shit happens; you get use to it
sacred sacosanct blessed
hallowed holy sanctified
dedicated devoted
inviolable impregnable
elevated to immolation
hecatomb victim

scourged excruciated
tortured plagued
struck and afflicted
cursed excoriate
censure denounce
gall chafe fret abrade
slap slash lash
scorch and blister
scathe drub flay
safe from violation
profanation


The Agreement

The Policy
of hate
and control
polarize factions
destroy obfuscate
Stop the mystic mind
before it can multiply
what isn't us
must be them
kill all heretics
recognize the danger
don't invite it in
be silent
don't disrupt the apple cart
make waves and
pay the consequence
remain myopic and all is well
don't distrub dead religion
fear is the cause
of all consequence
open the portals of clarity
bless our petty tyrants

[soulfir3]

rivetting work. thoroughly enjoyed all of it ~S

[tolteclogic]

thanks S~ i was affraid it
might be a little to intense
or unforgiving - glade
to know it wasn't
to offensive though
having written this
did tend to keep
me from sleeping
last night...
tl

[tolteclogic]

i was a portrait artist
but now i am a poet
tettering on the brink
of oblivion leaping
into the abyss...

one day i will paint again
but for now all that matters
is vindication... living
on a shoe string not knowing
how ends will meet... no
car and no insurance the
price is far to high and
this root canel may have to
wait another year unless it
kills me first... they say
it is nothing to play with
the infection can affect the
heart... but it was worth
the risk working this past
year in complete obscurity
one day this book will be
written and then once again
i can play at being an artist
but for now words are more
important... this knee is
almost completely gone and
the hip isn't much better
all those many years on a
bicycle have taken their
toll i was told 20 years
ago "You ain't no spring
chicken anymore" bicyling
60 miles in 100 degree heat
but my grandmother just
didn't understand that is
all that kept me going
one step ahead of the
grim reaper my many
character assassins had
done their work quite well i
was not intended to survive

[anirbas]

to be a poet, is to be an artist...
you paint with words now, instead of colors...
the word artist, is a broad term...
it covers painters, photographers,
actors, dancers, singers, writers
and last but not least musicians
and lyricists...you are still an artist, Cleveland...
don't forget that...okie dokie?

[tolteclogic]

Who understands the remedy?
"Kill the mind, enliven the spirit"
Action and stillness are
both functions of
The mind of Tao
No longer seduced
by the human mentality
Maintaining rectitude
in the midst of danger
By stilless danger
can be controled
By action danger
can be resolved
coming without going
before getting
mixed up in things
careful before haulting
the human mentality
does not arise
meeting danger
with rectitude
completing
the great path
auspiciously



"At the end of trouble, just when the human mind is calm and
the mind of Tao appears, if one does not understand the process
and tries to forcibly control the human mind, that will on the
contrary obscure the mind of Tao - to go on thus would mean
trouble. If one comes back to nurture the mind of Tao, without
tring to control the human mind, there is great merit in this."

"The end of trouble is percisely the gate of life, the door of death,
the point where both fortune and misfortune are possible.."

"If you do not know the gate of life and the door of death, not
only do you not know the mind of Tao, you do not even know
the human mind. If you do not know the mind of Tao, how can
you bring it to life?"

"If the mind of Tao is not brought to life and the human mind is
not dismissed, only fooling around in deviated methods, you will
bring on trouble where there was none. This is of no benefit to
essence and life, and is in fact harmful. How can we not beware?"

The Taoist I-Ching

[tolteclogic]

yes i agree Nir words are more powerful
than a sword...

[anirbas]

Words are swords within their own right...Cleveland...
Claymoors, daggers, scimitars and stillettos...
Except for when they're not...
Then, words are flowers
rooted in the mind,
blossoming color across
pages of blank whiteness...

haha...Got me reading your I-Ching
stuff and now everything
I'm typing is coming
out all philosophical...

Blessed be, you.
Nir.

[tolteclogic]

all the things
to be thankful for
a great cup of coffee
starbucks in the morning
presently downgraded
to a less tasty blend
a good pair of sunglasses
reduced to a less reliable pair
while raking leaves
i still haven't given up the search
a computer that works
windows 98 no longer
supports up dates
and this old computer
quit working the last
really cold snap we had
sort of like my prized poinsettia
the one rescued from the
grabage heep florished
for nearly three years
until the heat was turned off
frozen wash cloths would hang
across the shower rod
not much for entertaining guest
this was the beginning
of my new lease on life
beating terminal illness
in order of priority
drinking water came first
then food for the cat
who often sat bewildered
by the kitchen door
crying to get out
into the warmer sunlight
her cries hanging
visibly froozen
in the early morning air
that was the most difficult
next came the dial up
internet connection...
and last of all was the food
often given by
local church organizations
some of it you just
couldn't eat... pig's tails
and cow kidneys
it was a rough
couple of years
no heat or running water
that first cold winter

just when you say
Oh, it couldn't get any worse
the X' swoops in borrows the car
-while i am feverishly writing-
-as if my life depeded on it-
(before the heat was turned off)
and blows the engine 87 Volvo
740 GLE station wagon perfect
for hard labor paying my dues...

the cure had been successful
but now for the first time
in my life i could no longer
wear my leg apparent
wiplash complications
from this horrendous
six month treatement
that inadvertantly
was completely successful
turns out my immunity
had fallen so low
that i had become allergic
to the materials that
were used to make repairs...
I've completely worn out
a whole 'nother leg since then
still hanging on by a thread
to keeping the creative fires burning
this was my new 'Walden'


Jounal entry, 2 or 3 weeks past...

I push the button and nothing happens
I think my computer froze to death?
But it had been much colder before
and it had kept on running...
There was the year the poinsettia died...

I should clarify (varify) that I do not
seek an eye for an eye...
When I spoke of 'vindication'
this should be in the past tense
my poetry these past 5 years
is all the vindication i need...
I have no desire for living in the past

[anirbas]

Striking, powerful, full tilt boogie venting but in beauty, poeming!!!!! Whew...

Was wondering where'd you'd disappeared, to...Good to know you're still breathing the same fetid air as the rest of us, Cleveland. Hang in there...Just hang in there...Nir.

[tolteclogic]

Thanks Nir,
i've been busy burning
up another site... the
computer was only
down for a day

[Sam]

You are a survivor.....

Just like me...

I hang around just to piss people off.

How is the cat?

Sam

[anirbas]

ah...burning up another site...and did it make a pretty fire? the burning of the site? LOL...
i knew i hadn't seen your writing on the walls around here, in a few days...but, sometimes, i miss posts, too...

i was having problems with my monitor for a bit...dragged my old one out and fixed that issue.
it looks funny...all the pieces i have, the tower and speakers, are black except it...it's beige...but, i actually like this monitor better even though it's the wrong color...

burn up all the other sites you like...just don't forget to do some burning here, too...hehe...

waves and grins at TL and Sammy then phht! pop! nir disappears!

[tolteclogic]

from stiving to arriving
a road-hardened traveler
time to decompress
a new sort of beginning
at adventure's end
time of transition
focus on the big picture
make no unnecessary moves
study everything
do your homework
become more fluid
prepare for the changes
that will sweep and
carry you along
the whole is greater
than the sum of its parts
powerful transformative times
remain poised in the face
of the unpredictable
assume this mantle
of a new generation
access the bold
agents of change
recognize and taste
the joys of this freedom
full of promise and adventure

[tolteclogic]

Where the whole world is a stage
where kindness is a true
sign of weakness
ridicule respect or reputation
rush along upon the surface
appearance of things
we bow in somber homage
to the gods of opinion


Vulnerable

'Good guys finish last'
or so the saying goes
one needs to be vigilant
where susceptible
or vulnerable to deceit
where cunning guile
would win the day
forewarned is forearmned
liable assailable vulgar
malicious intent
thinly guised guile
in a smile or clever pharse...
seek beneath the surface of things
appearance is only skin deep
some measure of trust is essential
even among the most dispicable
we can trust a scorpion
to be a scorpion
we do not mistake
something the same
as something different
recognize the little kid
who would torture small animals
do not abuse my good nature


"Anyone who supposes to do good must not
expect people to roll stones out of the way,
but must accept his lot calmly if they even
roll a few more upon it."

Albert Schweitzer


lonesome lonely or alone

"The Lives of men who have to live in our
great cities are often tragically lonely. In
many more ways than one, these dwellers
in the hives are modern counterparts of
Tantalus. They are starving to death in
the midst of abundance. The crystal
stream flows near their lips but falls away
when they try to drink it. The vine, rich-
weighted with its golden fruit, bends
down, comes near, but springs back when
they reach to touch it."

Thomas Wolfe

[tolteclogic]

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

[tolteclogic]

True to the mean
having inner autonmy
when Joy attains harmony
what regret would not disappear?

Inside and outside
are as one
unaffected by illusions


Outward manefestation of harmony
not complacent of self-satisfied
fulfilled yet appearing empty
having yet appearing to lack
Strength that is
concealed within flexibility…
by receptiviety
creativity is balanced
state of mental harmony
equaminty of mind

[anirbas]

Great and good to see you still hanging out
and banging at the keys with the rest of us, TL! Nir.

[tolteclogic]

thanks Nir,

A brief note that is not quite a poem,
but more will follow...


Yes, live your passion, follow your dream, and all things
good will come into being - but not necessarily
according to our vision, expectation, or intention.
Recently i intended to find more time for my writing
to take a break from an over demanding physically
draining work schedule, soon after that I was envoled
in a head on collsion - so i got my wish. The thing is
we resist change and once a big enough static
charge builds up in our life, the universe will step
in, as it were, to adjust the course of our being. This
has happened more times in my life than i have
time to mention. So, perhaps the old saying is true,
Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.
Before the lose of my leg in a tragic traffic accident
i distinctly remember telling a friend, I sure wish I
had a wooden leg, just like ol' Chester on 'Marshal
Dillion' that way i wouldn't have to go off to war in
the draft. Guess what, less than one year later, once
again i got my wish. I still think it is kinda cool
walking on a prosthesis. Presently I am hoping to
find more time for being a visual artist, it seems
this poetry has now run it's course. Several years
ago a well known psychic assured me on nationally
syndicated radio that one day my work would catch
the attention of a most auspicious benefactor. And
now i get the distinct feeling that my many recent
hardships are nearing an end. It is Ok to dream.
I was an art major on scholarship, but the world
of spirit held my attention from the earliest age
perhaps due to tremendous trauma and
untold hardships of injustice and physical
challenge alone.

In Spirit

[Sam]

I am reminded of my mother and her advice to me since I was just a small child. She would always get very upset with me if she ever heard me even say the words, "I wish." She would silence me quickly. I never understood why then, but I do now.

I catch myself warning other people to be careful what they wish for.

For instance if someone says, "I wish I had a ciagarette." It seems so wasteful to me to even say those words......I always tell them, "If you are going to waste a wish, at least wish you had money, then you could buy a pack of cigarettes, why would you wish for just one?"

To which I always get some strange looks. ha

Good to hear from you Toltec!

Sam

[tolteclogic]

Thanks Sam,

my life has suddenly
become more interesting;
it is time for a change

a once innocent
gesture of kindness
and now i find myself
in the middle of
a war zone

gang wars have moved in next door
the fact that i vividly drempt this
in detail long before the arrival
tells me something... this
is no time to be sleep walking
god only knows how
blind we can be
to the warfare on our streets


eviction proceedings
were supposedly final
yesterday but still
they persist and in the
name of survival here
is to remain malible
cordial friendly and amiable

within in the belly of the beast

maybe monday they'll be gone



A plastic baggie full of 38 slugs
at the edge of my yard
as I go to retrieve my phone
these are young entrepreneurs
clubing house parties
cover charge at the door
getting tires shot out
a good friend they said
was just shot dead
he had the jump
but the chamber jammed
small town utopia
all in the news



God knows i need to move...
attempting to live on disability
outside of public housing
is next to impossible
without all the strain
on my resources next door
unpaid loans long distance calls
and now using my water
the past few weeks...
I have a hard enough time
making ends meet
it is such a delicate balance
remaining centered while
at the same time able to
be the same as other people
i try to remain neutral
but i am caught in a hornets nest
i never suspected how
the law of survival
could produce such
incredible results
in unfettered rage
with no hope of redemption
until the drug lords gave them hope...
or bullet wounds and time served
produce an educated man
with multiple skills
not the least of which
being the authority on criminology 101
give respect and you will be respected
i can trust Tara to watch my cat while
i am away... the house has remained
opened and unlocked to intrusion
as always and still things remain safe
where it appears the party next door
is never ending... now cars in and out
all hour horns blowing at
4:00 in the morning
in a culture where growing up meant
robing your way for a living... people
get shot, shot at and hit knocked down
beat up thrown in prison what hope
of getting free from the shakles of repression
there are success stories however,
of how to work the system....






it's four miles or more
round tripe to Wal-mart
on my bicycle one would
gain the impression that
i appear to be in good health
there are blood stains and sweat;
i've worn better fitting legs
i've earned this disability
and to find rest before
it becomes permanent
the walk alone to the
bus stop is a mile
i can no longer
do this comfortably
and gossip mills will fly
how is he disabled?
getting around so well?


there is a plan awaiting the next
golden opportunity

[DavidMc]

Hi Toltec ... that last piece was very disturbing and I sincerely hope those times will pass.

David

[Sam]

Remember the words: Be on good terms with all people, if at all possible, without surrender.

Without surrender......

Is there possibly a friend or family member you could stay with for a few days until they are gone? Or invite someone over to stay with you. I hate that you are frightened in your own home.

Don't concern yourself with what other people think of you!!! Or about you!!! Be proud of your achievements. I am sure you didn't just start out walkig two miles!! It is like everything else in this lifetime, one step at a time!!

Surround yourself with light!! Positive feelings!! Don't let the negative darkness make you uncomfortable in your surroundings. Push it back next door to where it originated.

Peace!!

Sam

[tolteclogic]

A passing phase I am sure David,
thanks for the concern. No doubt
things will turn out OK. There is
peace on the horizon and yet
there are lessons in every form
of encounter. Resistance to
change is futile.

Kinda' helps throw things in perspective,
in a strange sort of way, right now as
my nest egg has long since evapoarated
into the ethers. I have stood firm by my
convictions that there is value in balance
and harmony regradless of circumstance.

seeing into darkness is clarity
knowing how to yield is strength

How bad could it be?

off to wal mart again, i go through
about 4 gals of water every
2 days - it's a long story
hope to catch a break soon
and get some writing done
next door has been given
an additional week
to vacate...

[Sam]

I believe you can handle yourself!!

Sam

[bloodnsorrows]

WOW! I can see why this gets so much feeback, a truly awesome piece. I am loviing your mind on this one.

BNS