This Soul's Mates...

[anirbas]

Mind bent and broken.
Heart beaten,
flattened thin
as a token.
Spirit left
and moved
to Hoboken.

Nothing left of me,
but this useless body
taking up governanced space;
marking time til it to, is finally
put in it's rightful place--
six feet under
in the cold
hard ground.

Ah, but hell
shall be a haven,
compared to this mess,
this angle of living...

For Death, is my true soulmate...
Always running at my side--
lovingly offering me a free ride,
if I'll but take it--
right off this aging,
raging planet
of repeated
horror
and
sorrow.

~*~

Life
is a
nightmare...
Death
is a daydream...
A better tomorrow is an illusion...
A day that never comes...

[anirbas]

she said, I'd love to help you...
but, I just flipped a coin...
I no longer attempt
to help the world...

I wonder, fleetingly...
when? the moment,
I asked for help?

~*~

if only I had a me...
I would help me...
wonder if you'll cry
when they lay
me six feet under...
or if you'll mourn
I might be alive...
if not for your
I don't help
the world
anymore
jive...

[soulfir3]

makes me want to cry.. i understand the frustration and bewilderment about why and how things go so very wrong, for no understandable reason..

thank you for sharing Nir, thoroughly enjoyed this one. ~S

[pegesus]

you know, im going to tell you a similar thing that i told david on his post......if you werent here on this side of the ocean with santa ana instead of on the other side of the ocean with the queen you wouldnt have this problem
but yours isnt too bad either

peg

[anirbas]

...if i were where i should be...
...instead of where i be...
...you're oh so very right...
...i wouldn't be in Disneyland...
...i'd be in the land of the queens...
...where once upon a time Boudica
and Elizabeth and Mary, Queen of Scots, did reign...

...and some rather wily mistresses, as well...
...for who could forget, Diane de Poiters?
oh, she of the silver haired
and milk white skinned beauty,
that ruled a king and his young queen,
not from behind the throne,
but from her bed, she did!

ah, right you are, mon ami...
if i were in the land of queens...
i wouldn't be writing of dark things...
i'd be penning ditties about washing
dirty stinky man socks and serving
up lox for breakfast and loving
every, routine moment
of it...living
in the land
of queens...
wrapped
in the arms
of a natural king
parading around,
as just a man...

ggglgggl...
look at whatcha did to me, Peggysweets!
bespelled me to turn my cobwebbed corner of darkness
into one of silliness and lightness...stop that...NOT! Nir.

[anirbas]

Thank you, sweetest of souls, S'fir. Frustration and Aggravation, are my other Soulmates...ggglgggl...Nir.

[anirbas]

Ravens of darkness,
claws distended and open,
swoop about me, relentlessly.

Caw, caw, cawing
of what still is...
And what still isn't...

Heart beats slower...
Withered with cankor sores
of unabated longing...

Spirit kicks at the inner walls
of this vessel, as though someone
filched it's last two smores...

Mind screams and screams...
Screams until it's thoughts grow hoarse...
Raw with unrequited fermentationing...

Ravens of darkness,
claws distended and open,
swoop about me, relentlessly.

Caw, caw, cawing
of what still is...
And what still isn't...

As though the unholy triumvirate,
I am and be--heart, soul and mind--
needs reminding of what is...
And what still isn't...

~*~

Gloom and doom sweeps
under the corners of my mind...
Blows despair up my skirt;
then adds insult to injury,
flipping said skirt,
neatly over my head...
Leaving me
in the darkness...

My spirit a blanketed
and caged whipporwill
beating itself
against
rusted
wires
of
wrought
iron...

Til
my breast
runs with the blood
of my efforts
and this heart
throbs no more...

Gloom and doom sweeps
under the corners of my mind...
And I find myself blind
to anything,
but this feeling
of abject pain
and loss...

~*~

I grow deep...
Despondantly deep...
Waiting for tomorrow to come
and be, done and over...

I keep reminding myself,
as I prepare for slipping off
this blood splattered and worn
path of shattered glass
I now and still tred...
I keep reminding myself...

That which is worth having,
is worth waiting for...

That which is worth having,
is worth waiting for...

That which is worth having,
is worth waiting for...

I chant this like a mantra...

A slowmotion vision of you reeling
through my mind, clicking by,
one frame at a time,
through my convoluted mind...

A vision of you, smiling at me,
by the breeze and fountain rippled
surface of a diamond sparkled,
duck scattered lake
in the thin sunlight
of an early spring day...

That which is worth having,
is worth waiting for...

Or hobbling over ground glass to reach...

~*~

tis off I am to the land of Nod, sweet pretties!
rest and recuperation being the thought of the day.
any and all of ya'll that are illing, be feeling healing, now!
catch ya later as for the moment i'm history...
out the door to catch some more zzzzzzz's...
blessed be, poetical gang and get well, Vixen
and you, too, Chief...just get well...Sabrina.

[anirbas]

Sleep deprived and bleary eyed,
I would sleep forever, if I could...

Wrapped like a child in a receiving blanket,
swaddled in the fabric of some dreamtime land...

Never fails, everyday, I snap, snap to attention...
Brought back to reality by the aurical dissonance
of a dratted alarm clock radio; riffling and ruffling
in loud ripples across the lake of my prone consciousness...

And there I am...Slammed right into the middle
of another day in full egress and progress,
whether I tried to sleep through it, or not...

No choice, no matter how pitifully I rail and wail...
But, to get out of bed and run the gauntlet of the day;
or to stand my ground and be beaten down, by it, instead...

~*~

This spirit longs for it's chosen soulmate...
Yet, as usual, this soul's mates are...
Aggravation, death, destruction
and a dearth of frustration...

Eternally hairlipping
the governor...
Just by daring to be alive,
much less to have a voice...
But, someday, I'll have the blessing of choice...

I'll have the blessing of choice...Me...
And free I will be...Still trying to outrun,
this soul's mates...Aggravation, death,
destruction and a dearth of frustration...

But, there'll be a smile wiped cross this face...
As I run, run, run into the sea and then swim into the sun...