My own Darkness

[wistfuldragon]

Thank you Sam so much...

darkness...love it...alls calm...no noise...beauty in the stars...yes...I like the darkness...lol...

[wistfuldragon]

In my Darkness
I find I am changed...

Seeing things
better left unseen...

Hearing things
hiden away...

I wrap the night round me
to ensure comfort...warmth...

My bed may remain empty
but my Darkness is overflowing...

[wistfuldragon]

You've no idea
do you

Of course not
I've not said it

I run for the hills
scared little rabbit

I see all manner of things
yet I see them a washed in red

In the red of my blood
that has been spillt while taking a beating

A beating brought on by bad days
or a word out of place

You smile
I cringe

What you think
I can't know

Beaten dog
yeah that's me

Talk sweetly
while I hear evil

I've hurt
bled

Now I've healed
scared shitless

I dream of a you
that could never do whats been done

Yet I find
I'm blind

Why am I this darkness
it's the only place he wouldn't go to find me

[wistfuldragon]

You say I'm a hater
Yeah boy you got that right

I hate the things
you say
you do

I hate walking to the fireline
waiting for you to set the blaze

You say I've a 'tude...a chip
Yeah boy you got that right

You curse while slapping
me down...kicking me

I say you're out your head
you say I made you that way

I say I deserve better
you say I deserve worse

Kiss my fine halfbreed ass
I'm outta here

Leaving your sorry ass behind
along with the pain

I'm not your victim anymore
You can't beat me anymore

I've found my fight
asswipe

The next time you raise that fist
I'm kicking you back to the stone ages

You've beaten this dog
one too many times

It's gonna bite you right
where you live

Call me a hater
sure thats what I am

A hater of small minded
tiny manhood fools

I'm outta here
got my fight back
asswipe

No real man would do
what gets your rocks off

[wistfuldragon]

I'm sorry
I can't see you
because of him

I've tried
I've fought
I've failed

Taken the hate out
on the unhated
loving friend

I'm sorry
I'm more than you see
so much more than you know

I curl into this Darkness
hiding in the peace
it brings this weakened soul

I look at you
see through you
to him standing behind you

I run
for fear
for life

I'm sorry
you asked for a woman
you received a rabbit

[tolteclogic]

Simply incredible painful
powerful poetry...
for the scars that won't soon
heal - see through the
conditioned relfexes give yourself
the time and space to live, release
and begin again renewed
in spirit and trust
yet always remember
the factors that first
attracted into your
experience this
bad ass persona
the alure of danger
and adventure
of uncertainty
of the unknown
until it came
home to roost
it is possible
to be loved
for who
we are
beyond
the appearace
of fleeting attractions
look always
beneath the surface
no person is a possession
pray my words do not
go to far...

tl

[wistfuldragon]

pray my words do not
go to far...
TL...

No good Sir they do not...I've had a time healing from things done but I am...slowly...still shell shocked though...

And thank you so much for your kind/gentle words...they mean lots to one such as I...thank you...

[dawness]

trace your beaten path
upon mine
mine doubled by your triple sword
scraping the tenderness that made you live
today,
beat your beaten back and
dig your own tomb

[wistfuldragon]

Thank you so much Dawness for adding your beautiful words to mine on this page...tis a lovely thing...such a lovely thing...beautiful poem...

[wistfuldragon]

Sam...thank you friend for those words...thank you...

Dear Sabrina...freedom is the joy that wraps you and little you...as does the love sent across the miles...warm word smiles and hugs to you and her...always...

********************************************************


I cried last night
in the throes of hate
wanting to escape this fated night...

The memories that haunt
make me a wee bit off stable
as if I stand on uneven ground...

I have tried running
yet always it follows
touching the corners of my mind...

The doubts swim about
chasing the fears round
leaving my mind a bloody battle field...

This is my darkness
my safe harbor
in a wicked soul...

So they say
it isn't my evil
it is his....

How is that
when all these passing years
the only home its known resides in me....

Torture
shame
hate...

Saving grace
see me through
to the safe side...

[anirbas]

Divinely dark cypherical offering, Mish! Thanks for sharing! Yes, loving freedoming and feel the love and prayers from many locations on the map wrapping round us both! Thanks be for and to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~*~

Many times, grace is all that saves any of us...
And grace, comes in many forms...
Just as bedevilment and torture, does...
Saddest of all, the ways we harm ourselves...
Never letting go of that which once shamed us...

[wistfuldragon]

Saddest of all, the ways we harm ourselves...
Never letting go of that which once shamed us...****
Lady Anir'


How true dear friend...and that is why I've been letting myself write about some of the past...letting out the echos in my head of deeds done dirty....and thank you Sabrina for knowing and understanding me...which can be a mighty hard thing to do...

Bless you for all that you are...

[wistfuldragon]

I slipped up
let the pain
call to me
once again...

It crept in
sliding into place
next to me
in bed...

The side you
called home a
hateful lifetime ago
left cold...

Pain
Darkness
Empty
Loss...

Yes...
I slipped up
let the memory
take me for
a ride...

[wistfuldragon]

I am simply a woman
who desperately wants to believe
that life holds an answer for me....

An answer to a questions
I am somewhat ashamed to ask
that lays within layers of shadows past...

Someday...

Indeed...someday I shall
find the courage I need
to ask this burning question...

Someday...

Till that day comes
I am content to stay
within the confines of my darkness...

[pegesus]

may i be part of this wondrous thread, lady dragon, lady nir and lady pegesus, all sharing what needs to be spoked but held in check cause no one understood our pains, three of a kind reaching for what, a dream, truth, or love, whatever it be we somehow seem to need the same thing. may i join??

[wistfuldragon]

My dear friend of the pen and keyboard you are most welcome in this and any thread to join in and no better compliment to I is that...no better...

[vulture]

Sets a bouquet of purple roses, baby's breath and pink lilies in a cut crystal vase on the bedside table of her old running buddy. A miniscule card of thick creamy paper stock is speared by a straightpin with a grey pearl head to the froth of satin ribbons of amethyst, onyx and sapphire that twine round the body of the vase and are tied off at its neck. Two simple words are scrawled across the card in elegant silver calligraphy: Be healed...

~*~

Love you...Miss you, littersibling...

[wistfuldragon]

In this moment of early morning when all is quiet save for the music in my earphones...I am lost in recollections of times past with one who has seen me thru so very much...am struck by amazement that this one chose to be my friend...my littersib...my teacher and confidant...I am so thankful for you and you have no idea just how thankful my dear...you amaze me daily yearly and make me so proud to know you...
I love you...miss you...and am working on the healing for which coming home has helped so much...I am here...
You. Are. Simply. The. Very. Best!

[anirbas]

((((((((((Mish))))))))))


I feel the same way about you, Dearness!

I must apologize for my latent reply...
My entity is still at the computer hospital...lol...
In the hands of one I fear may be a mad scientist...
Not in a bad way, but, the absent minded way...haha...
He has had it almost two weeks now and still has not healed it...
However, Saturday, I was given a laptop as a loaner from my baby sister
and am here due to that courtesy for which I feel thankful to the ninth degree!

Having said that, I HATE DRATTED LAPTOPS!!!!!
THEY REALLY SUCK BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

lol...But, a truer gift I have not received
in a long time...David and I were able
to enjoy the fruits of skype and yak
all day about everything and nothing...

And now, I am at my next favorite
place in the whole wide world-here.

Having noted to the universe
at large and small and any deities
that may yet inhabit the spiritual realm-
that I am very thankful for the gift of this loaner...

I HATE LAPTOPS!!!!! THEY SHOULD ALL BE BURNED
IN FIRES HOTTER THAN THE HOTTEST HOT SPOT IN HADESLAND!!!!!!!!!

LOL...I am woefully lost on this beast...thehehehehehe...

Well, here at your bedside
it is true you did abide
my atrocious whining...

But, off to scamper the halls
I must yet be for a moment
or more before I lay me down to sleep...

So, then, my oldest partner in crime...gigglegiggle...
Off this battle ax must be, but, first...
Close to thy bedside I would tread...
To pop you in the middle of thy forehead
and holler "BE HEALED, SISTAH!
IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
Me blithering socks, instance!
More holes in them
than I have in me head!

okay, you know I'm going
for the gigglebone
with the above
monologic
diatribe...

hope these moments
I have been virtually
in your precence
have brought
you laughter
stronger, headier
than sandalwood
incense...
but, tis
not my intention
you bust a gut...

literally, or symbolically...

so, let's not be cackling
so hard we do that...

but, if I didn't make
you chortle if but a little...
I have missed my mark...

irregardless...

YOU STILL BE HEALED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((((((((((Mish)))))))))

[anirbas]

(((((((((MISH!!!!!!!!!!!)))))))))

TAG! You're it!!!!!

Just made me smile in a big way, seeing you are here! How are you feeling, girl??

[wistfuldragon]

you at my bedside is far better than the doc's that were...
and yes dear you had me giggling like a mad woman...no worries tho...nothing bursting...
now you are it...lol...

[anirbas]

gigglegiggle...so goooooood to play tag with you again, dearest!

[wistfuldragon]

likewise my sib...likewise...;}

[anirbas]

Mishie? You okay? I've not heard from you in a bit...

[anirbas]

Hark, hark, grand, sad lady of the dark.
I say unto thee, hear thee! Hear thee!
Loud and clear, hear my voice echo
across the well of the abyss,
betwixt and between us,
known as time
and circumstance...

Prithee, draconic Duchess!
Heed my call as a signal of distress!
Join me, here, once more and again.
As we ride the night, wild with fiery words
that spill from the mouths of our souls.

Who knows? Perhaps for a lark
we will go on a quest, co-write
an epic that starts out in the shallows
of the mind and meanders off
into the back of beyond...

An epic chock full of trolls,
warlocks and battles
to be fought
from the backs
of fiery steeds
with macropterous
wing spans,
ridden by
hell for leather
matrons that once
upon a time,
remember
being
maidens...

lol..."come back to the five and dime, Jimmie Dean..."


i...

miss...

you...

[wistfuldragon]

My dearest most beloved friend...
I heard your call
tho truth be told
I heard you late...

I long for the long nights writing
to and fro with you lovely creature of the pen
Having been faced with being a shell of what was
I am struggling to put self right so same self may play again...


No beautiful words make this easier...

My most wonderous friend I've been down and at times just flat out...but I am never down nor out for long...and the Gods know I have missed the hell outa you and so many others here...

I'm going to try in the next few days to come back on...play a bit of catch up and maybe some good old tag...I will...I swear...

By the way...Honestly I love and adore you Sabrina...

And Thank You!

[anirbas]

MMMMMEEEESHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sounds of woman giggling gleefully as she executes the happy dance in the background)

So, dratted damned good to know you are still alive and breathing the same fetid air as the rest of us, m'lady warrior!!!!!!!!!!

I feel of all groups on the internet these days, poets form bonds that are resilient and durable.

You know I miss all of you girls (looks out of "the box" at all the other girls) when you disappear out into the big wide world, (spoken in a sister motherly tone lol) but, you and me, mon ami, we go waaaaaaaay back...Back to the dark ages...gigglegiggle...Drat! We're some old broads, Mishers!

I would love to see you back in a few days or any days. But, mostly, I just want you to take care of you for me and your sister and your kids, okie dokie?

I honestly love and adore you back, Michelle, and btw, en garde! (taps Mish with a cardboard sword and runs off, shouting, TAG! YOU'RE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wistfuldragon]

Mish sneeks in...taps her littersib on the back and runs for the hills...

TAG...YOU;RE IT...lol

[anirbas]

(giggles at "tapping" then shouts out to her retreating poetical sib, "I give up! Yes! I am it!!!!!")

[wistfuldragon]

I think I like your suggestion better..."Go Fish" seems easier...lol