problem solved

[tolteclogic]

no problem no choice
people who have
seen my foot, soon
after in folding my
ankle, had nothing
to compare it to...
twisted swollen
black and purple
through and through
off the beaten path
this past friday
completely alone
so amazed
they were
to see i was
still walking
i won't kid you the
past couple of days
at work have been
tough working with
Creative Landscaping
of course i am paying
for it now and i suppose
that first night was the
worst fortunate for me
i had help with hot and
cold compresses and
being abe to keep
it elevated if only for a
brief moment in time
i did have the
weekend to recover
as it stands now
thankfully there is
no more part time
work for me till
Saturday - hopefully
no irreparable damage
has been done
but for the
life of me
from the pain
i can not
now say or
be sure... the risk
of unpayed bills
out weighs
any discomfort
i can rise above
or endure...

problem solved
it is my home
what i say goes
it will not become
a flop house for
disingenuous characters
unwanted guest
showing up
uninvited unannounced
cut loose and free
no more needless distractions

good honest hard work
means nothing where
money rises in smoke
faster than a half
days labor hard to
imagine how some
people survive
addiction these
are the people i
have come to know
through no true
fault of my own
i suppose an easy mark
where open acceptance
is precieved as weakness
all to easily taken
for a fool
no friends of mine

hard labor
means nothing
under duress swim or sink
unexpected expenditures
hit with every conceivable
endurance making ends meet
presuming to much to soon
then the bottom falls out
repeatedly reduced to
greater hardship
reconnecting the water
admittedly 'my bad'
lost track of the much
needed reminder
much later than i
thought completely
distracted just
keeping the lights
connected amazing
this job happened
exactly in
the nick of time
it is a useful
occupation
easy on the mind
hard on the body
never did get
those photos
my portraits
in pastle
only recently
painting again
after 15 years
in hard knock
occupations

[tolteclogic]

free flowing response:

contentment insight far reaching vision
when the ancient masters said if you
wish to be given everything first give
everything up they were not speaking
idle words - what we are talking about
here is innate knowledge and
capacity which transcends all
learning completely free unattached
to anything not a slave to personal
history or habituated patterns of
thinking - it is said stop thinking
and end your problems... for those
of us who have seen this in our own
experience every thing changes
yet remains the same… there
is no more searching for
answers which reside always
available if only we could release
our addictions to expectations and
outcomes and allow the universe
to flow unimpeded by personal
desire for control over the mundane;
the world is perfect just as it is it
can not be improved…
it is by working in the midst
of great danger and hardship
within the dragons pool
that we are able to retrieve
the pearl of illumination… and enter
the tigers lair to reclaim our power
at peace in the midst of chaos
the master leads with out saying
a word his greatest teaching
for the people is to help them
untie their knots weaken their
ambitions yet strengthen their
resolve… true words are not
necessarily eloquent,
eloquent words are seldom
true… it is the great secret
what is a good man but
a bad man's teachers
what is a bad man but a
a good man's job? if
you do not understand
this principle you will get
lost no matter how intelligent
you are… existential humanism
has become the science of the
New Age we are so in love with
our own intellectual brilliance
and the possibility of higher
intelligence beyond this
two dimentionial linear march
from birth to death that we are
all to willing to conscribe our
entire existence to the hope
of some great shift in human
awareness beyond our
mortal ability to comprehend
but please do not forget to
pay your dues and all required
fees before you enter this door
into a room filled with smoke
and mirrors… getting free is
nothing living free in a world
without vision wrought with
false teachings that is the true
challenge for the awakened
individual… magic(k)al
sexual alchemical manipulations
are all the rage Rainbow Warriors
dead head nomades turned on
tuned in and out of sight live within
the cracks of society and have
made an exact science of sticking
it to the man throw backs to the
60's free love flower children fresh
out of Woodstock… but then you
have the more sophisticated
'Burning Man' phenomenon
the next progression in the
supposed evolution in
revolutionary thinking
established upon the
tantric pathway to awakening...
all these things are
all about freedom
yet freedom
to do or be what?
Everyone love's the Tao
because it is inclusive of
all traditions and yet some
how free from all conditioned
mundanity… an apparent
paradox… the true alchemical
process appears lost through
centuries of misinterputations
and yet the Tao is eternally
present and unchanging in
the very midst of change
free from all compulsions...
drug induced visions in
trance beat rhythms are
all well and good for
momentrary transcendence
yet so many mistake the
fuel for the fire and burn
brightly only for a short
burst until the internal
wires get crossed and
fried beyond any hope
of reparation… all in the
name of having fun free
from all inhibitions a
free agent capable of
tremendous sexual
computations… once
again the age old
counter culture mystique
convinced of its own
existential viability
beyond the matrix
of conformity to all
conventional norms…

ok, that is my spontanious
take on the question as it
was posed to me from the
vantage point of practice
that reveals the truth that
has meaning and life…
i look forward to your response
but you see the dichotomy
still exist... those who know
don't speak… those who
speak miss the secret
of being present
in spirit

[tolteclogic]

should we become
all that we disdain
who are we to judge
the path of the
misdirected
apparent lost souls
tranished and torn
riddled with poor
decisions? for
want of viable options
which do not seem
to exist uneasy
from birth to death
happily distracted

[anirbas]

As always, TL, great food for thought...Good to hear you're getting extra income you needed, hate to hear it's turning out to be such a physical pain...If it isn't one thing, it's another, yes? But, other than that, ain't life grand? Well, at least, every other day of the week, of the third week of the month? LOL and keep hanging in there, bro!

[tolteclogic]

Thanks Nir, yes it is a grand adventure
learning as we go along, hopefully to
some meaningful destination... but it
is the journey it self that composes
the majority of our days ... regaining
the peace and quite of my ordinary
home life has been a useful exercise
in setting appropriate boundries
in spirit
tl

[brandnewmessiah]

Yes, this piece is quite an observance to everyone on their outlook of life. Quite a trip to read. Nicely done Toltec! ~ BNM

[tolteclogic]

she say, "Good things
come to he who wait."
but i see it is a fool's
game because 'they' also
say "Beauty is only skin
deep" if we would but
look beneath the
surface... Jung once
said "Beautiful bodies
and beautiful presonalities
seldom come in the same
package." but i am surprised
that it hurts this much to turn
someone away after so many
months playing cat and mouse
in my own house yet never
fully crossing that intimate
boundry just when she claims
to be ready you say You don't
trust it, enough is enough, you
put an end to the farce
of make believe seduction
don't bother stopping by
because the door
will be locked...
still you are amazed at
how much it hurts
these feelings which
are not true a seductress
with a habit no one could
afford she hides all to well
just enough to appear
beautiful... i could go into
detail the promises that
were made the infractions
that were sustained
i suppose so much
water under the bridge
a scarlet woman her
meat hooks all to well
into me... one single
man alone and me i fall
for it time and time again
all those years in celibacy
could not have prepared
me for this - but to make
me all the more vulnerable
but no more - i was warned
by a loving friend how it could
be like this hook the stupid
white man and destroy
everything he has...
modus operandi
women from the hood
a very dangerous
woman with
no place to go
no place to stay
i have allowed her
to crash on my recliner
but in all this time
never in my bed
the land lady
forbids me to give
her shelter after being
stuck so bad for the rent
so i say you and you alone
may come here discretely
because i suppose there
is this enduring endearing
compassion... but when
the cat is away the mouse
will play... i came home
day before yesterday
after a hard day at work
only to discover her
cousin in my easy
chair smoking up
my house watching
my movies very much
uninvited right at home
eating my food
the same guy
who was in for
attempted murder
said the back door
was open - it won't
be again... this was
the final straw that
broke the camels back
'stupid fucking white man'

[tolteclogic]

"Schools of practice fixated either on form/matter or on voidness.
Those fixated on from are those that mechanically or obsessively
practice physical exercises, concentration on the physical or ima-
ginary body, rituals, asceticism, or other formal practices. Those
fixated on voidness are the quietists, for whom tranquility is the
goal. These schools are called aberrated because they do not
transcend their own limitations, they mistake means for ends,
and thus they cannot reach the Tao. In Taoism, the definition of
aberrant schools dates back at least to Chuang - tzu and the
Triplex Unity, works of the third century B.C. and the second
century A.D."

i ching

[tolteclogic]

Homeland of utter emptiness
and complete stillness
this is the province of earth
utter emptiness beckons fulfillment
transforms the human mind
when stillness is complete
action goes into motion
strength and flexibility
being one energy
primordial energy
arises from
empty nothingness
living potential returns
when positive energy
becomes manifest
progenitor of life
inherent natural
innocent mind
source of yin and yang
restoration of heaven and earth

"When the celestial is exhausted and mundanity is complete,
there is only death."

[tolteclogic]

sad songs spin around
my five disk player
untitled tunes
an album with
no name plus
Bob Dylan and then
Enigma contemplative
reflective notes 'standing
at the doorway' Dylan
would say it is not dark
yet, but it's getting there
compare and contrast
this past year put to rest
the hollowness i feel
now that it is over
the spectacle of my
recent existence
'return to innocence'
the eyes of truth
silent warrior
where does it end
the buck stops here
before the very beginning

turn away

[tolteclogic]

to reinvent one's self
at a moment's notice
is to be free -
to grow - to change
to be comfortable
with uncertainty
to become more
self directed
self sufficent
self willed
and less dependent
sudden change
often demands
the pruning
of unrewarding
entangled relations
leaving one open
for new fulfillment
this arduous passage
through potential
tragedy and pathos
suggest the promise
of freedom in a situation
of predictability at risk
of becoming
all too confining...

Leave the past behind
identify and acquire
the missing ingedients
do what needs to be done
marshal all known skills
and abilities to complete
this mission refuse
to be ground down
put forth intense effort
refuse to sacrifice
quality for quanitity
or acuity for speed
do your homework
get the big picture
step into your maturity
at this time of transition
grounded in the
practical world
trust the body's wisdom
with greater confidence
the rememberance of love

[anirbas]

I totally adored this last Clevelandic offering...And was so totally uplifted by it's inspiring message...Which I so needed to hear, right about now...The first verse is so where I am at this moment of my everyday life...So into leaving the past and embracing the unknown future...Just really emotionally gnarled out by this bout of sacrificing books in the name of that future...LOL...But, I know...I know...It's better, smarter to sacrifice books than to continue to sacrifice one's life to a dead cause of any kind that could kill you slowly, or quickly with expected or unexpected stranglement or other kind of violence...Thanks, T...Don't know what in your everyday life inspired you to write this...But, reading bolstered my spirit! Nir.

[anirbas]

oh...and imho...you should post Dimishing Nostalgia on it's own...hint...hint...hint...

[tolteclogic]

Thank you Sabrina,

Change isn't always easy
yet resistence to necessary
change is futile...
happy to make this
kindred connection
in spirit
tl

[tolteclogic]

One from bn:

dare we let go
our death grip
to freefall
into freedom
step out of the
temporal and
into the miraculous
trust our greater wisdom
cut the rope everyday
be reborn
at peace
within our center…


~*~*~*~
less and less
do we need to force
things until we arrive
at nonaction... when
nothing is done
nothing is left undone
all beings are born
with their backs
to the male
facing the female
when we combine
yin and yang
firm and flexible
heaven and earth
and learn to
operate in revrese
all things
achive harmony
observe the world
but trust your
inner vision
desires wither
the heart
thoughts weaken
the mind
if you want
to be whole
let yourself
be empty
if you want
to be reborn
let yourself die
trust the intelligence
of the universe
the master helps
people loss
everything they know
everything they desire
and creates confussion
in those who think
that they know
he doesn't take sides
caught in desire
you see only
the manifestation
free from desire
you realize
the mystery
keep to your
center and all
things will
fall into place
allow things
to come and go
cleanse your
inner vision
leading yet
not trying
to control
this is the
supreme virtue
empty yet
inexhaustible
always present
care about
people's approval
and you will
be their prisoner
the supreme good
is like water
it keeps to the
low places
serene
empty
solitary
unchanging
close to the
earth content
with the way
things are