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Post by soulfir3 on Oct 8, 2006 5:20:16 GMT -6
water trails over finger tips,
cold, refreshing
earth muddies under foot,
supple, clinging
wind teases with soft breeze
pine, scented
sun relishes afternoon glory
subued, warmth
water rushes over rocks,
steady, constant
moon rises slowly with ever ready smile
shimmering, silky
earth sighs softly beckon slumbering dwellers
nature, calling |
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Post by shell on Oct 8, 2006 7:01:48 GMT -6
i love this, Soul! It goes straight to senses ... cuts out much of the distractive stuff that keeps us from the essence of it all. I might be tempted to cut out that "a" in verse 3 and maybe make "beckoning" into "beckons" to keep the very present tense insistent? But that part is entirely up to you and doesn't change my total adoration of this poem. Absolutely gorgeous writing! xxx
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Post by dawness on Oct 8, 2006 11:09:03 GMT -6
crystal clear with shimmers on the side! this, i like... really like.  |
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Post by soulfir3 on Oct 9, 2006 5:14:47 GMT -6
Dear Shell, thank you for the wonderful comments. I have taken your suggestions and made the appropiate changes. Thrilled you enjoyed this piece Thank you for the feedback, Dawn. xx Soul |
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Post by shell on Oct 9, 2006 8:40:36 GMT -6
STUNNING! except now, omg, my own grammar has lost the plot! It has to be "sigh beckons" or "sighs beckon" ... sorry! lol ... xxx
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Post by soulfir3 on Oct 9, 2006 15:46:36 GMT -6
lol.. how is this for a compromise ? Trully thankful for your imput on this one, Shell.
There is a lot to be said for pieces which just fall from pen to paper, but my ability to correct them sometimes, leaves a lot to be desired lol.
xxx
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Post by shell on Oct 10, 2006 11:26:52 GMT -6
Brilliant, Soul! I adore your poetry so all i would ever offer is a tweak or two here and there ... and that with awe at your gorgeous writing ... love you, Sister xxx
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Post by soulfir3 on Oct 22, 2006 23:07:24 GMT -6
xx |
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Post by soulfir3 on Feb 4, 2007 1:46:10 GMT -6
arms extend outward
teasing underbelly of the sky
in illusive temptation for the clouds
circling softly over head,
in white cottony drifts
tinged by silky grey and blue outlines
pale blue background
dusty haze lingers
giving an untouchable dimension
as trees bow,
wind preaching his power
each leaf and limb buffered
mighty arms of the oak,
offers slight resistance
amidst the persistant song
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Post by bichsa on Feb 4, 2007 15:48:37 GMT -6
beauty of all Gods creation so beautifully written ,peace cheryl
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Post by soulfir3 on Feb 5, 2007 1:03:29 GMT -6
thanks heaps Cheryl |
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