Happiness

[Sam]

People are always talking about when they were happy, and what periods or years of their lives they remember as happy years.

As I have gotten older, I have begun to see the truth behind the
happiness theory. There are no happy years! There are only happy moments.

We have to grab hold of these moments and cherish them. These mere moments of happiness are what keep us sane, make us whole, and give us hope.

I was happy when.....
You made me happy when.....
She seemed so happy when.....

It goes on and on, but it is not the truth.

The truth is every single day of our lives we are capable of being happy. It comes from deep within each and every one of us.

The sorrow in life is so overpowering, if we allow it to be. We must fight these feelings. We bring sorrow to life and we hold on to it for lack of anything else to hold on too, because it is a true emotion. A real feeling, and unfortunately a sad feeling or an unhappy memory is better to hold on to than nothing at all, because it was more than likely preceded by a happy moment that we long to recapture.

Instead of focusing on the sadness, step back to the happy moment and focus on that emotion. It is hard to do sometimes, because the sadness is a powerful emotion. But, when you think it through, to hurt that badly it must have really been a wonderful happy moment for you........if only in the begining.

We have to laugh every day!! It is the best medicine in the world and is capable of curing any sad, lonely, depressed, or even physical illness.

If these moments that brought you so much joy are worthy of your sadness, bring those wonderful feelings back to the surface.
Bring those moments of happiness to life!

People tell me I live too much in the past. Well, the past makes me happy. I can go there and laugh out loud whenver I need too.
I can also cry, if I need too. Sometimes I laugh until I cry. (?)

Don't sit around and wait for happiness to find you again, because my dear friends, it is right there inside of you right now.

Be happy!

Love,

Sam

[Sam]

Making Life Yours
Perception

There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The
individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with
lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have,
however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they've
been handed and make them into something great. Our individual
realities are colored by perception-delight and despair come from within rather
than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while
situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look
at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived
misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes
a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and
unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment
in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human
tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care
for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of
it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the
positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What
can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it.
When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view
it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing.
Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor
to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your
path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully
infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world,
but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn
to observe life's complexities through the eyes of a child seeing
everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of
preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can
appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life's journey.
And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have.
As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued
with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever.

[Sam]

(Taken from a paper I did last semester in an Advanced Composition class.)


Age of Maturity


All of my life it seems I have been waiting to mature. To grow up and feel like an adult
in my mind. I always have wondered why I still feel the same way inside that I did as a
child. I still speak to myself in the same voice. Where was the answer? When does a
person mature?

Looking back on my life I caught myself saying that I was happy at this time or I was sad
then and I noticed something that turned out to be a real awakening in my life. We make
our own happiness. There really was no “one” particular time that I was happy or
sad for any given period, just moments in those times. It then hit me like a ton of bricks
that everything that happens to us in life happens in moments. We are up, we’re down,
we are rich, we’re poor. Everything comes and goes, spinning around us in a circle.

I sat back in this “new” realization just basking in what I considered to be a remarkable
discovery. But, unfortunately, when I tried to express this newly found wisdom to my
family and friends they all looked at me like I had lost the remaining brain cells that I
possessed, so I kept this knowledge to myself from that point on, but in my mind, things
started to open up.

Not being a long term planner has always been one of my greatest faults. I am more of a
spontaneous person, which has gotten me into more than one tight place during my life. It
came to me that I really liked that characteristic about myself and instead of resisting it, I
embraced it and suddenly I was “comfortable in my own skin”. I believe because of this
revelation I am able to enjoy my life more fully and I now see every day as a new adventure.

Is this maturity? When we reach a certain age in life do we see the world around us through
different vision? Does it matter in the long run if we haven’t done anything really
spectacular in our time on earth?

Though I am divorced, and live alone with an extremely mature and wise four legged feline,
I have a great family, two wonderful children and a grandson that I adore and my life seems
very full to me.

I am not rich with material things, yet, I consider myself rich with gifts that come from
within. To make people smile, feel comfortable in my home, help others as much as
possible, and celebrate life every day, I have to ask, “What greater gift could one person be
given?” and I also have to ask myself everyday, “How did I ever get so lucky?”


Reaching fifty years in age and still having the sudden desire to jump up and down in a
mud puddle or swoop my grandson into my arms and dance around the room might seem
strange to an ‘ordinary’ mature person but it is just a normal day in my life!

I looked into the eyes of an eighty year old person recently and saw the sparkle of
a child in his eyes. I was astonished again to come to another realization that there was
not one bit of difference in this person and myself. He was just as much a child at that
moment as I was at any given time.

I spoke to my sister the other night about my paper and even read her some of my notes and
she said to me, “Sharon, I do not feel any difference in myself now than I did when I was ten
years old. When I look in the mirror I see a stranger looking back at me. I do not feel sixty
five years old.”

Maturity? I am still waiting, but I think I will enjoy being a child of the universe for a long
time. There is not a single day that I do not learn something new, or see something beautiful
that I hadn’t even noticed before. Maybe all of these things, combined, will add up to a greater
wisdom which will some day grow into maturity. (?)


Sam

I want you all to know I don't just write about these things, I believe them with all of my heart!

[Sam]

(This is part of my final paper I did last semester on Socrates-of course, with the Sammy twist)



My grandson stood outside his front door last week eager to play and pointed to the

trees blowing in the wind high above our head. His eyes were so filled with awe and he

seemed overjoyed at his great discovery as his mouth formed a big O and he smiled up at

me. At the moment I thought to myself how easy he was to please and wondered

how something so simple could bring him so much pleasure.


I have often heard that when we find something that we truly love we set out to keep it

but after a time we start to change it, reshape it, redo it, rethink it, and later when we look

back at it we can not even recognize it and we can not remember why we loved it in the

beginning because there is not a trace of it left.


We spend our entire lives trying to be happy. We are always wanting more and more

and it is never enough. Once we have what we thought would make us happy, we still

wonder why we are not happy. I have found as I am getting older that we have had it all

the time, within us. We make the choice every day when we are blessed to open our eyes

whether we will be happy or not. Life is indeed a gift.

___

Are you hearing me, yet??

Sam

[Sam]

The Secret :

One day, one friend asked another,
"How is it that you are always so happy?
You have so much energy,
and you never seem to get down."

With her eyes smiling, she said,
"I know the Secret!"
"What secret is that?"
To which she replied,
"I'll tell you all about it,
but you have to promise to
share the Secret with others."

"The Secret is this:
I have learned there is little I can do
in my life that will make me truly happy.
I must depend on God to make
me happy and to meet my needs.
When a need arises in my life,
I have to trust God to supply
according to HIS riches.
I have learned most of the time
I don't need half of what I think I do.
He has never let me down.
Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy."

The questioner's first thought was,
"That's too simple!"
But upon reflecting over her own life
she recalled how she thought a bigger house
would make her happy, but it didn't!
She thought a better paying job
would make her happy, but it hadn't.
When did she realize her greatest happiness?
Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren,
playing games, eating pizza or reading a story,
a simple gift from God.

Now you know it too!
We can't depend on people to make us happy.
Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that.
Trust HIM!
And now I pass the Secret on to you!
So once you get it, what will you do?

YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too!
That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU!
But it's not really a secret...
We just have to believe it and do it...
Really trust God!


Just Pass It On!

Smile!! It just gets better and better!

Sam

[Sam]

Did you ever notice how a particular smell can trigger a memory?

For me it is definitely tangerines!

They smell like Christmas to me
and take me back to my childhood
almost instantly and I am awed
every time....and my thoughts
turn back to innocent times,
childhood memories, wishes,
dreams and most importantly to me
sitting on the floor by my mother
looking up into the branches
of the family Christmas tree...

Tangerines are precious to me...

Sam

[Sam]

As the holidays get closer, I feel myself trying to sink into the deep depression that seems
to have consumed me for so many years.

I spoke with my sister for about an hour twice this week. Both of us are feeling this way.
Why?

Too much sadness? Too much heartbreak? To many years struggling to get where we are today? Alone..

I have to constantly work on this depression this time of year. I am traveling to be with my older sister this year. I am leaving here in 16 days. I have a 28 hour train trip coming!! A great time for composing all of these mixed emotions. Beware!!

I do not feel sorry for myself. I understand the depression now. I embrace it!! I am allowing myself to feel these thoughts as if through reflection I might recapture something I missed somewhere..........

There is a very fine line to be crossed!!!

Wish me luck!

I love you all!!

Sam

[shell]

What you say about depression is very accurate - i found "it" as much a blessing as others labelled it a curse. Others said i had a breakdown - a very dear friend of mine called it a breakthrough. And it is. When the world stops making sense and your reactions to people/events suddenly lurch beyond genteel evasions of the truth (in so far as THAT is tangible) to extremes (well, that's how muggles see it) then you have to get new wheels for soul - the old ones just don't roll any more.

I enjoyed seeing some of your journey, Sam. Memories, like everything else about our psyche, can be tyrant or friend but in any scenario, what offers pain also bears a gift ... figuring out what it is ... that's a journey in itself. Travelling Light seems a good idea to me *grin.

Good Luck, Sam! *smiles*

[Sam]

I am looking around today at work
and already the people surrounding me
have that haunted look in their eyes...
You know the look...
"If I only had more money!"
The guilt!!!!
The sadness!!
The repurcussions!!
Wasted time and money blown!
Why? Why? Why?
Sound familiar, yet?
It is growing by the day
in the world I live in...
And here I sit....
Nothing....
Same as last year!
But, I am doing much better now!
So far!

Hang tough or you will miss it all!!
Christmas will be over in the blink of an eye!!

Know what I mean???

All that good food, great sweets,
smiling faces all around, then gone!

Come January nothing but cold weather, bills pouring in
and above all else the IRS breathing down your back
(everybody wanting their share of your blood)

Getting me, yet?

Relax! It will be alright!
Same as it was last year, and the year before.....

Don't surrender.
Keep smiling
just to piss them all off!!!

Adios!

Sam

[Sam]

I keep surrounding myself
with positive thoughts!!
I have to continue this.
Depression is a powerful thing
and it is trying to take hold of me...
Quickly, now, quick....
positive thinking ahead for me......

[DavidMc]

sam said:

I keep surrounding myself
with positive thoughts!!
I have to continue this.
Depression is a powerful thing
and it is trying to take hold of me...
Quickly, now, quick....
positive thinking ahead for me......

Depression is indeed a powerful force, but through your articulation of sometimes very private feelings you have struck a universal chord...

I can't think of anything more positive than that!

David

[Sam]

Hi!

I'm fine! I am just working my way through some emotions!!
Same as every year, it seems.
I have a lot going on....mostly all good.
I can't complain.

Love you,

Sam

[Sam]

*This is a great read!!!! Hope you will take the time!

www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/adspolink.cgi?iid=56&aid=1687

Rediscovering Your Joyfulness
Holiday Blues

The holidays can trigger the blues for a lot of people. We all have
associations with the music, the decorations, and the foods that are so
pervasive at this time of year. We may look back on a happy childhood and
feel that our present situation doesn’t measure up. On the other hand,
we may be reminded of what we wanted but didn’t get as children. Either
way, our real lives are unfolding in the here and now. This is a new
holiday season altogether, and we can find joy in the fact that we can
make it our own and let it be new.

One key way to reinvigorate your holiday is to let go of feeling
obligated to engage in rituals or situations that make you feel unhappy. It
is easy to get lost in the trance of tradition and lose track of who you
really are and what serves you as you are now. But there is a wonderful
payoff if you take the time to touch base with what you really want and
give it to yourself. When you take care of yourself, your capacity to
give to others expands exponentially, and so does your innate
joyfulness.

The first step is taking time to sort through any baggage that’s
nagging you. If sad memories present themselves, know that you are not alone.
It is well-documented that many people suffer from depression at this
time of year. The key is to face these feelings, hear them out, and
fully process them so that you can be free again. Try giving yourself the
space and time to consider what will be truly healing for you this year.
Perhaps you’d rather go on vacation to a tropical island with friends
than go back home to a dysfunctional family. Maybe you’d prefer not to
exchange gifts. Maybe you want to change-up the traditional dinner fare
and make something profoundly healthy or exotic. As you infuse this
holiday with new energy, you will feel your blues lightening and your
joyfulness steadily on the rise. Try to make this holiday season about who
you are now, not what you were in the past. Enjoy.

[Sam]

I came to a realization last night that was very freeing for me. (I know it took me long enough to figure it out!)

Here it is:

I am no longer bound by the parental rules of Santa Claus!!!!

Every Christmas I trigger off and start panicking because I have never felt I had enough for my children at Christmas time.

I caught myself worrying about it last night and it suddenly dawned on me--they are grown now. They both make a lot more financially than I do, and maybe, just maybe we could just have a wonderful time together if I let go and loosened up! (Think?)

I am the one punishing myself and worrying about it and it is all good!! It has always turned out good! Not one year did my children ever go without, or ever complain...

Also, I am not my grandson's Santa Claus! What a relief!! But for some reason I would love to be a hero in his eyes.

My son called last night and said on Christmas day my grandson had so many gifts in front of him, he just lost interest and got up and went to go play.

He is so wonderful right now. Not one bit of materialism in him.
(So, maybe by next year I can be a hero).

It sometimes amazes me that I can allow myself to wallow so deep down into this yearly winter depression......!!!

Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. My son is coming to town to celebrate it with us, along with my first ex and his wife, and after they leave, we are all spending the night together and celebrating our little Christmas on Sunday.
Fixing a nice meal, hanging out together all day and exchanging our "gift" to each other. (What a concept).

I would hope that by now they would understand how much I enjoy the time with them, more than anything they could "buy" me.....we'll see....

I am not creating a weekend image in my mind, because then not even I would be able to live up to my wants and needs, plans and schemes.....I just want to see a smile on their faces and I believe I can still do that.

Sam

[anirbas]

Smiles on faces are far more attractive to look at than frowns, on this I do concur...
Just slipping by to say boo!hello...I'm enjoying the journaling feel you have going on in this thread, Sams!

Winter has settled it's icy clasp across much of Texas and me? I'm just sitting here, waiting for the power lines to start snapping from the extra weight and having to deal with a twelve year old that has nothing to do, suddenly...And hoping the power lines don't snap and do that to either me or her...As if it does, I've got news for her...I'm going to bed if the power goes off and I'm going to hibernate til the power comes back on...

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend, after all, Sammy...
Just enough of everything to make it right...And not to much of anything,
to make it wrong...And when you'll get back I'll sing for you this one hit wonder song...

hmmmmmm....hmmmmm...hmmmmm....somethingsomething I can't remember...
don't worry...be happy...hmmmmm....hmmmmm....hmmmmm...another line I can't
remember...don't worry...be happy...smiles and hugs atcha, sweets! Sabrina.

[Sam]

I am coming out of the holiday fog!!

It was better this year, I think, though some might argue with that remark..

I absolutely adore Christmas but I dread the nightmare of shopping. I really think this idea is going to work for me.....I will share it with you:

I have a big empty closet I use, but you can use what you have!!

Starting now, when I am out and about and see something that reminds me of someone, I buy it. Put their name on it and put it in the closet.

Or, if I see something I think is just cool, I buy it and put it in the closet.

Come their birthday or next holiday I hope to have a mini shopping mall right in my closet area!

I think I would like that!!

A message kept going off in my head over the holiday:

"Don't forget the little things."

I don't know why but sometimes the little things turn out to be the big things, understand?

Sam

[soulfir3]

Happiness.. I know that it is often more than specific events or periods which can or do, make up our happiness.. but sometimes isn't funny how someone else's movement's can unsettle us so much, that we simply forget HOW to be happy ?

Tonight ( down under time , 6.45pm), I had my first ex ( son's father ), turn up on my door step greatly angered by the fact I wasn't simply allowing him to take my son away to his house. With it getting to the stage where phone calls to the police where made ( which in itself is a joke, as the nearest .. open.. police station from me is 45 mins away ) and where upon my ex not only abused me, but also decided to drag neighbours into his argument by fronting up on their doorsteps and yelling abuse and profanities at us, from their front yard.
It's hard to remain positive when this happens and seeing the frightened and genuinely distressed look on my child's face, simply gutted me.
I'm furious at my ex and his drunken behaviour, his intolerance to accept our child's decision .
Instead, he resorts to abuse and threats.. and for the first time in many years , I am absolutely terrified of this man. His last words before he left were " you've screwed up by stopping me seeing my son and I'm going to fuck you up " ( excuse thelanguage ).. it makes me feel sick in the stomach and at the time, I was chilled to the bone..

Anyway, sorry for the rambling.. I guess I was just thinking about how these kind of situations can destroy small pieces of happiness and install large amounts of angst and upset..

[DavidMc]

I am sincerly sorry for your troubles Soul ... without offering a glib response to a situation I know nothing about, it strikes me your location makes you particularly vunerable.

45 minutes from the nearest town is scary in your situation.

Best wishes, David.

[anirbas]

First, you need to get a dog...The bigger the better...A Rottie, would be nice...Some type of bulldog...A mutt, as long as it's big...Mixed breeds are generally smarter than pedigreed dogs, anyway...And you need to housetrain it, so that it's an inside dog...It might sound heartless, but you must train this animal to not like this beastly man...If he shows up again, even for a court mandated visit...Do not allow the dog to allow him to pet it...In fact, when you're trying to raise a guard dog the gentle way, you shouldn't let anyone touch it but you and your family, til it's at least 8 to 10 months old...This teaches the dog, you and your kids are it's pack...And who isn't a part of it's pack...If you end up with an older dog, instead of puppy, this training works, too...Even faster...As an older dog catches on faster than a puppy...
When he's on the property, teach the dog, he's bad medicine...Say sic 'em...Jump 'em...Whatever word you wish to use as your attack command...And put a ribbon of fear into your voice, when you say it...So the dog knows, this human puts your teeth on edge...

And you need some cans of Mace or pepper spray...Lying around the house, in drawers and one carried in your purse...

I know you've got a "peacemaker" in the house......You should keep it somewhere close to the door, and if not loaded, as I know you've children in the house, keep the ammo close at hand to the peacemaker, so you know where it is and can get to it and load the peacemaker, quickly.

Forty five minutes, is a long way away...If he shows up in the mood to be abusive and violent again, hopped up on booze to fuel his anger and give him balls...If he hits you...You don't have to kill the bugger to make a statement or protect yourself...Wing 'em...Pop him the foot...The knees...Anywhere in the leg area...Then tie him up in a bedsheet and beat the crap out of him...[Okay, the last line is a joke, but it was a nice visual, yes?] Just bringing the peacemaker out and firing it into the air, might take the hot air right out of his bravado...But, never bring out a peacemaker, unless you do feel your life or your child's is at danger...And if that be the case, don't bring it out, unless you know you've got the guts to use it, if needed...As if you don't use it when you show it, it can be taken away from you and used against you, instead...

You've already got your neighbors as witnesses to his out of control, over the top nature...
And I'm assuming, you filled out a police report when they did arrive...Further evidence
of his hairbrained and bent stupidity on paper...

I hate to hear this crap is going on in your life, Soul...Hang in there...

I'm not advocating violence...I'm advocating, protection...

Love, hugs and blessings, Soul...

Take no prisoners and eat the blasted hostages...Sabrina

[dawness]

happiness. i know this to be somehow true.. when a pointed conflict or a high gear situation arises, ATTITUDE can mend or break it. hmmm, don't rely on my insights. more later. hugggs to all!

and more hugggs to soul. i feel with you. i'm here for you as well.take care!

[anirbas]

no, do rely on those insights, Soul...
DG is more level headed than me
and very wise beyond her years of sixteen...LOL...

[Sam]

I would say this is the time to take action that this situation never happens again.
Action through the frigging legal system!!! I know it is a bunch of bull, but right now while it is fresh on your mind, your neighbor's minds also, is the time to possibly have his visitaation
limited, insist he have counciling (anger control) and possibly insist he start to AA. (?) Also,
make sure he pays for your legal fees!! (hit him where it hurts-the wallet).

Do not ever feel afraid of this man!!! Show him how the cow eats the cabbage and let him know first hand that his own actions has led him to his own ends.

The nerve of him!!! I am so P___O____ !!! *&%%%#^$*&^)(*^&

Don't warn him!! Just do it!! Once he knows you are not afraid of him, he will think twice before he messes with you again!

If he does, then you protect yourself with any means you have too!! The court system will already have on file all the background information on your case and you, my friend, will only be acting in self defense!

There!! How is that for happiness???

Love and peace!!

Sam

[Sam]

Gee! This started as a Happiness Thread and look at me now!!! ha

Emotions and feelings are important parts of who we are and it is very important to discuss them and work through them to find peace, which will lead you to happiness. True?

Ok then....I don't "feel" so bad..... hahahahahaha

Sam

[soulfir3]

*hugs Sam*, don't feel bad at all what you've said has helped me in more ways than I can describe, as has all the support and friendship shown to me by all on this site.

so, thanks xx Soul

[Sam]

I am glad. I can get worked up sometimes. ha

But, I am serious, too.

Men like that control! It is very hard for them to give it up and they will seek to keep it at all costs. Physical, mental, emotional!! Whatever it takes.......Once you sit down and figure out his game, then you will know how to conteract his attempts, not on the right, not on the left, but smack dab right in the middle of the jugular vein that will make him sit up and take notice......Get me??

Love,

Sam

[soulfir3]

I get you, unfortunately I know his game all too well. I just refuse to let myself sink to the same levels of deprivation and degredation he has and continues drop too.
What gets me so fired up is that he doesn't care the hurt and worry he causes his son.
I sit up night after night, listening to my boy toss and turn, screaming out and waking in cold sweats because of nightmares.. I haven't hated anyone in my life, but I often wish I could hate my ex.. maybe then I'd be able too return the mind games he's played on us for so long - 10 fold.

xx Soul

[Sam]

www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/adspolink.cgi?iid=63&aid=2010

February 6, 2007

Echoes Of Happiness
Belly Laughs

As children, we laugh hundreds of times each day, delighted by the
newness of living. When we reach adulthood, however, we tend to not allow
ourselves to let go in a good belly laugh. Inviting laughter back into
our lives is simply a matter of making the conscious decision to laugh.
Though most of us are incited to laugh only when exposed to humor or
the unexpected, each of us is capable of laughing at will. A laugh that
comes from the belly carries with it the same positive effects whether
prompted by a funny joke or consciously willed into existence. When our
laughter comes from the core of our being, it permeates every cell in
our physical selves, beginning in the center and radiating outward,
until we are not merely belly laughing but rather body laughing.

Laughter has been a part of the human mode of expression since before
evolution granted us the art of speech. Through it, we connected with
allies while demonstrating our connection with people we didn't know. In
the present, laughter allows us to enjoy positive shared experiences
with strangers and loved ones alike. Yet solitary laughter carries with
it its own slew of benefits. An energetic and enthusiastic bout of
whole-body laughter exercises the muscles, the lungs, and the mind in equal
measure, leaving us feeling relaxed and content. When we laugh heartily
at life's ridiculousness instead of responding irritably, our focus
shifts. Anger, stress, guilt, and sadness no longer wield any influence
over us, and we are empowered to make light of what we originally feared.
Laughter also opens our hearts, letting love and light in, changing our
perspective, and enabling us to fix our attention on what is positive
in our lives.

It is easy to laugh when we feel good, but it is when the world appears
dim that we most need laughter in our lives. Our laughter then
resonates through our hearts, filling the empty spaces with pure, unadulterated
joy. We regain our footing in the moment and remember that no sorrow is
powerful enough to rob us of our inborn happiness. When we understand
that uninhibited laughter is the food of the soul, nourishing us from
within, we know instinctively that life is worthwhile.

[dawness]

part of happiness is protecting the self. i did feature articles on this as a contributing editor in mags and dailies. let me share one of them ( edited because it's a 3 page thing )...

soul, sha and all-- me included--- our right to wellness is based on loving the self first. i wish you all the intrinsic birthmark of happiness:)

as published and edited:

If your partner seems more like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde than Mr. Right, chances are his heightened aggression is part and parcel of his personality. An abusive relationship is peppered with anger, fear, confusion and the guy’s dominant need to control others. He may kneel in front of you and apologize for his behavior. And his affectionate, tender declarations of love may sweep you off your feet a thousand times over. He truly knows how to skin a cat.

A vicious cycle, yes, if the emotional outbursts, not to mention his physical abuse, would be the rule rather than the exception.

Violent, abusive tendencies can be detected early on during a relationship. Some of the tell tale signs may help you check the behavioral pattern of your boyfriend:

• He has a hidden bad temper and acts up when aggravated. If he has consistent shouting matches with friends, relatives and siblings at the slightest provocation, his volatile temperament may be a sign of innate or acquired violence.
• He limits your activities and friendly social involvement by using unnecessary threats.
• He decides what you are supposed to wear, you must act in the presence of a crowd, where you should be at a certain time, and shames you when you don’t follow his demands.
• He utters rude words and talks down on you in private or in public.
• He gives you dagger looks, shows uncouth action and displays unruly behavior when you are with people he doesn’t know quite well.
• He gives you the third degree interrogation over a slight mistake, then switches on to a sweetie, puppy-eyed guy after you’ve turned into a panic mode.
• He makes you feel guilty about his being late, inconsiderate and moody as if you were to be blamed for his misgivings.
• He becomes physically violent, smashing the car door, knocking off the wall or destroying things when angry.
• He plays manipulative mind games by convincing you that you’re the main problem in the relationship.
• He darts a list of obscenities then quickly apologizes for his tantrums.
• He acts vulnerable and justifies his mood swings ---- yet he doesn’t resolve to change his ways.

How often have you been afraid that he might suddenly break into a fit of anger when you are together? Your boyfriend may love you and he means well, but if you look at the bigger picture, the companionship may be an unhealthy one. Most of us stay in this bind because we refuse to recognize the magnitude of such abuse. As women, we always believe that there is a chance that there are other alternatives for changing a man’s reckless and irresponsible behavior. There is also the dependency factor to deal with --- if we had been with a guy too long, we feel the good times weigh the bad and more seriously, we are believers that leaving means we have failed as a partner.

If you are seriously considering the real score on abusive relationships, here are some guidelines from experts that may help you assess the real situation.

Initiate a healthy, serious discussion about his behavior. During his sane moments, talk to your boyfriend about your concerns regarding his abusive behavior in a positive, caring way. By being honest about your feelings, your partner may feel safe and comfortable about sharing his problems with you. There must be a resolve in the end of a series of discussions to stop his violent tendencies. If such occasions are minor, there is hope for recovery. Try to listen to him non-judgmentally, valuing his opinions and offering healthy feedback.

Seek counseling. Introduce him to a guidance counselor or a priest in a non-threatening behavior. Once he becomes trusting of this person, a slow process of counseling may be conducted. Support your partner’s goal regarding his desire to mend his ways.

Take a breather. It may be healthy to stay away from him for a certain period of time. This will give you emotional space to reflect on your relationship in a constructive, objective manner. Discuss your plight with a friendly therapist and seek guidance. Acknowledge that you have options if your boyfriend is really an abusive person. Be kind to yourself and enlist a support system among trusted friends and family.

Know when to leave. If you had exhausted all possibilities of breaking the abusive cycle and the problem still persists, leave him. No ifs and buts. Remember that he is capable of emotional and physical battering. Any form of consistent manipulation and torture is not healthy or moral. You deserve a meaningful, loving relationship and an abusive companionship can drag you to despair, fear and irrational dependency. You have the right to lead a normal, peaceful life. Even if you feel love or pity for your boyfriend, be strong for your own good. Charity begins at home --- with yourself. Take this abuse as an opportunity to insulate yourself from self hurt.

[Sam]

Say Hello!!!

Very informative!! Can I use this on the Separated/Divorced thread? There are some really tortured women in there?? A few men, also!!

Sam

[DavidMc]

Happiness is Egg Shaped