A child's love transmuted into.... what?

[phantasm]

How could you? How did this happen?
I was a child and I saw you as gods
I had the instinctual, natural love all children have for their parents
The memories are fuzzy
I remember the awe and delight, how I looked to you

Somehow...

You lost my respect when you initially had my heart!
My intellectual capabilities grew until I saw you as fallible mortals, not gods
Most parent/child relationships survive this transition
Why didn't ours?

All I know is, from a young age, before I hit middle school, I determined I didn't want to be you.
I had no one else in my life who was a real possibility that I could grow up to become.
I had no role model in the flesh, the best I could do was the most noble characters on TV while I was a kid.

If only you had been more functional human beings. Then this fucking tragedy would never have happened..............

[moseley]

Oh thos is strong...been working on something related with friends at anunda.com and most recently and with strong effect with Joe Dispenza and soing the work has brought me somewhere else and a big book "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" has been one of my new gospels in connecting to the miraculous....this is your life and even this story is glorious and something gratefully received that you have shared...it builds my gratitude reading it

[phantasm]

I was just venting. I had no idea this thing would resonate with anyone.

[anirbas]

Resonates like a gong. As though my own thoughts had been read. I can't believe I'm just now reading this???! I've been wrestling and stalling for several months on writing at least a novella length novel of my childhood and that of my five siblings under the neurotic control and "guidance" of my alcoholic parents. It would of course be written as fiction with fictional characters and names and have fictional creative licensing inserts. Mostly, because, I would have to write it as fiction. As is so often the case in siblings that have been severely abused mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically by both parents, there are conflicting memories about what did and didn't happen, depending on the birth order of the child...Being the oldest, I remember things the younger ones do not; or were not yet born, when these events occurred. It was a sharing of family photos from the sixties and seventies on FB that really inspired me to write a version of the story...But, I have only gotten as far as writing a sketchy introduction...One night in here...LoL...So, yeah, it resonates.