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Post by anirbas on Mar 17, 2019 20:01:57 GMT -6
When the sanity goes up in dark oily smoke
with great gouts of acidic flames burning bright green
there in the space that once housed the seat of the soul
No haunted bats left flying in the proverbial belfry
Incinerated in the initial conflagration
No silver bell to ring during a eureka moment either
Torn free of its moorings in the initial savage blast
ripping through the shocked to its core soul
to lodge violently in the heart with a clang
So, what do you do? When you have smoke rings
exiting your ears and all of your thoughts
have gone ominously silent for once
What do you do? You breathe.
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Post by anirbas on Mar 21, 2019 13:48:21 GMT -6
The last couple of weeks have put me through the wringer. Sometimes, I get so tired of having to fight for the medicine once a year
that keeps me out of a wheelchair. I'm okay dealing with the symptoms of the disease, Pscoriatic arthritis, in my case. If I didn't
have such a high tolerance to pain, I might have realized sooner something was wrong with my body. So, the pain, I can handle. Plus,
I have a pain management regimen(t) that includes Nambumetone, Flexiril and Cymbalta. Every drug, treats a different type of pain.
Of course, there couldn't just be one pill to address them all!
I also self-inject a biologic, once a week, Humira. It's main job is basically, to tell my body to stop attacking itself, in layman terms.
And it also, helps with the pain management.
But, every year, once a year, I have to go through mental, emotional and spiritual hell, trying to be sure I get approved for next year's
worth of biologic. It is very expensive even with insurance, I have to work with Abbvie (the makers of Humira) and Humira itself to be sure
I get the drug, as I can't afford the $6,650 deductible. I have already found, if I go off of the drug, due to being unable to afford it,
within three months I am unable to walk without assistance. I literally have to be helped by a person to get back and forth to the loo. Ugh.
After that encounter, I am a nervous wreck when it comes time to recertify. And if one organization turns me down, as they did, this year, it all
goes back to square one. Trying to orchestrate the three parties involved, Abbvie, Humira and my insurance company is a nerve wracking sanity robbing endeavor.
IT IS ALWAYS TWO WEEKS OF HELL and while I am trying to do it and fearing the worst, at times,I think of walking into highway traffic, while I can still walk.
I do manage to restrain myself from doing that. But, just. Hahahahaha.
Anyway, some readers like to know the inspiration for a poem, or think they have realized the inspiration for a poem. This is actually inspired
from my own life. Not a book, not a movie, not another person's torment(s). I wrote this off the cuff in here in a most aggravated moment in my head
when it didn't seem like I might be able to stay on this drug after all. I think it is all resolved, as of today and yet another three hours spent
on the phone in a three way conversation...
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Post by anirbas on Mar 21, 2019 13:53:28 GMT -6
Note to Phantasm. I quite forgot you had just used this title yourself on the General board!!! So, I added the "So" to the title.
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Post by phantasm on Mar 22, 2019 11:35:50 GMT -6
We tend to write the same sorts of things pretty consistently, and we've known each other for forever.
Occasionally, cross-polonization is inevitable.......
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Post by anirbas on Mar 27, 2019 20:00:38 GMT -6
Good to know.  |
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Post by moseley on Mar 31, 2019 17:35:25 GMT -6
cross pollenization!!! love that term.
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Post by anirbas on Apr 3, 2019 19:56:38 GMT -6
MoSeLeY!!!
So tickled to see you've landed among our murder of poetical crows! I am at this moment, grinning like a loon
at the computer screen. Awesome. Just awesome. Just made an already awesome day (because it's my work Friday) even more so!
Ms. Heart and I have missed our dear auld poetical pen pal.
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Post by anirbas on Apr 3, 2019 20:15:47 GMT -6
~Ink Spill Seepage 1
In the Christian bible it states
if thine right hand offend thee
cut it off. Posthaste.
Good thing I'm an atheist.
Because if I cut off everything
that offends me on my body these days
All I would be is a talking head.
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Post by darkness0within on Apr 19, 2019 9:42:53 GMT -6
It always amazes me that someone has to go through the same old hoops to get the medicine they need to have some kind of quality of life.
I mean, (I'm sorry to say this) but it's not as if anything will change with your condition anirbas. But there is always hope that something will turn up to halt the damage, and perhaps reverse it someday. In the meantime you need what you're taking.
Your writing describes your frustration perfectly.
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Post by heartfelt7 on Apr 19, 2019 16:16:48 GMT -6
I never realized what you were going through. My daughter has a nerve condition, so I have seen firsthand the fear involved with pain meds. Fear of not getting them because of the fear of the pain itself. Just keep writing and don't give up. Your words are helping others understand.
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Post by anirbas on Apr 28, 2019 18:31:48 GMT -6
It always amazes me that someone has to go through the same old hoops to get the medicine they need to have some kind of quality of life. I mean, (I'm sorry to say this) but it's not as if anything will change with your condition anirbas. But there is always hope that something will turn up to halt the damage, and perhaps reverse it someday. In the meantime you need what you're taking. Your writing describes your frustration perfectly. No need to say sorry. Nothing will change my condition. The damage has been done, as "they" say. What is damaged in my body, is my now and my future. It both is what it is and isn't what it isn't. The Humira just tells the body to stop attacking itself. I have already seen what three months off of the drug looks like and "it ain't pretty" as the rock song says. So, I get more than a bit annoyed. The good thing is that, I am on a different program now, that pays what my insurance doesn't cover. So, for the moment, it's all good. Sad thing about having a chronic disease, jumping through the hoops to get the meds you need, can be more taxing than dealing with the indignity of the disease itself. |
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Post by anirbas on Apr 28, 2019 19:00:41 GMT -6
I never realized what you were going through. My daughter has a nerve condition, so I have seen firsthand the fear involved with pain meds. Fear of not getting them because of the fear of the pain itself. Just keep writing and don't give up. Your words are helping others understand. What I have is called Pscoriatic arthritis or PsA. As a result of me remaining undiagnosed for basically, the first twenty years my joint damage is moderate to severe, depending on the body part. My hands, feet and ankles and low back were the first to exhibit issues. Shoulders and hips, followed in their fashion. As a result of the PsA, I also have ankylosing spondylitis; neuropathy in my feet aka nerve damage; fibromyalgia; tendonitis and bad assed sciatica on my left side. In other words, I am one hot mess, sweets. All because I wasn't diagnosed twenty years, ago. The excellent thing is, I don't have Lupus. Which is what my family doctor thought I might have in 2013 when I showed up in his office after waking up in the middle of the the night with the joints over my entire body feeling like they were hot coals. It didn't hurt. I don't know how to explain it. It wasn't like when you burn your skin with fire, blistering heat. More like when you stand close to a banked fire...Little embers all over me...That didn't hurt, but, I knew it wasn't right. Anyway, Game of Thrones is about to air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta go, toots! |
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