Post by aims on Jun 21, 2018 15:53:53 GMT -6
I wish things like closure existed for me
something that would just close down my feelings for her and I could move on!
It just doesn't work that way for me
If I went to her and expressed my feelings
and she rejected me
that would not change my feelings for her it would not shut them down and It would not free me up to move on. Quite simply because my heart does not respond to reason.
The facts are I want her. . .
and I don't want. . .
anyone else!
I have no feelings of attraction to anyone else
to her I am overwhelmingly attracted,
trying to think of anyone else sexually makes me cringe
repels me. All that telling her and letting her reject me would accomplish is make me feel bad abput myself
and make me feel more uncomfortable around her but in a really bad negative way (instead of now when I am just turned on and self-conscious)
believe me both in this case and in feelings for others in the past I have come at it from every angle
and the only thing that frees me and lets me move on is and indeterminate period of time,
in this case it's already been that long and my feelings have only gotten stronger. . .
so it's gonna be a while!!! I wish it wouldn't be!!! but I also hope that I will retire from desire this time not become attracted to anyone else, I'm getting too old for this wanting shit and would opt forpeace and contentment for my remaining years on this earth. We probably aren't even compatible. I get the feeling she's a risk taking adventurous type, she'd probably ride a motorcycle, go skiing, climb a mountain, not me I will white water raft, water ski not snow ski not climb a mountain I have an extreme fear of heights ( I just had to ask apartment maintenance to change a light bulb for me because i would have to climb up and not hold on to the ladder to do it and I cant. . . I can climb but I nered one hand holding on) I won't ride a motorcycle ( I did ride a yamaha 125 dirt bike when I was 12) because my friend Danny got his leg cutoff up to his knee in highschool so not street bike, you couldn't pay me to get on one. I won't snow ski I'd probably break my neck I'm kinda a play it safe girl when it comes to sonme stuff. I won't ever go spelunking again either I dislocated my shoulder over a hole in a cave and had to fling my body onto a ledge an injury that started chronic dislocation and at 21 I had to have a shoulder operation to move over bome with muscle attached to do the job the stretched out ligaments wouldn't do anymore. not big on potentially dangerous adventures, something tells me she's more inclined than me.
Anyway she is straight, even though she sets off my gaydar. The point for me is that time is the only answer. You know I have discussed the way things work for me, in therapy, when I was in therapy a few years ago and the PHD in psychology therapist didn't have any suggestions for me of how I might handle it another way to get past it sooner so if she didn't know of a way for someone like me then i think I am just stuck with time as the answer.
something that would just close down my feelings for her and I could move on!
It just doesn't work that way for me
If I went to her and expressed my feelings
and she rejected me
that would not change my feelings for her it would not shut them down and It would not free me up to move on. Quite simply because my heart does not respond to reason.
The facts are I want her. . .
and I don't want. . .
anyone else!
I have no feelings of attraction to anyone else
to her I am overwhelmingly attracted,
trying to think of anyone else sexually makes me cringe
repels me. All that telling her and letting her reject me would accomplish is make me feel bad abput myself
and make me feel more uncomfortable around her but in a really bad negative way (instead of now when I am just turned on and self-conscious)
believe me both in this case and in feelings for others in the past I have come at it from every angle
and the only thing that frees me and lets me move on is and indeterminate period of time,
in this case it's already been that long and my feelings have only gotten stronger. . .
so it's gonna be a while!!! I wish it wouldn't be!!! but I also hope that I will retire from desire this time not become attracted to anyone else, I'm getting too old for this wanting shit and would opt forpeace and contentment for my remaining years on this earth. We probably aren't even compatible. I get the feeling she's a risk taking adventurous type, she'd probably ride a motorcycle, go skiing, climb a mountain, not me I will white water raft, water ski not snow ski not climb a mountain I have an extreme fear of heights ( I just had to ask apartment maintenance to change a light bulb for me because i would have to climb up and not hold on to the ladder to do it and I cant. . . I can climb but I nered one hand holding on) I won't ride a motorcycle ( I did ride a yamaha 125 dirt bike when I was 12) because my friend Danny got his leg cutoff up to his knee in highschool so not street bike, you couldn't pay me to get on one. I won't snow ski I'd probably break my neck I'm kinda a play it safe girl when it comes to sonme stuff. I won't ever go spelunking again either I dislocated my shoulder over a hole in a cave and had to fling my body onto a ledge an injury that started chronic dislocation and at 21 I had to have a shoulder operation to move over bome with muscle attached to do the job the stretched out ligaments wouldn't do anymore. not big on potentially dangerous adventures, something tells me she's more inclined than me.
Anyway she is straight, even though she sets off my gaydar. The point for me is that time is the only answer. You know I have discussed the way things work for me, in therapy, when I was in therapy a few years ago and the PHD in psychology therapist didn't have any suggestions for me of how I might handle it another way to get past it sooner so if she didn't know of a way for someone like me then i think I am just stuck with time as the answer.
