poetry discussion: the-

[Deleted]

A hanging "the" at the end of a line,
only to continue the
thought on the next. <--- Like that.

Stylistic choice, or an amateur mistake?

I think it can be quite effective when used in the right way, either to accentuate the fact that you're thinking while you're talking and maybe can't remember what the word is off the top of your head (1), or for some other reason you want to put some sort of pause before the next word (like example 2, where the entire poem is short and choppy to emphasize the emotions in the poem.)

But I think it's quite hard to pull off in a good way, and only really works in a few very particular instances. Aside from that, it just seems to interrupt the thought (3). It reads much more smoothly when the "the" is directly attached to the word (4), and unless your aim is to deliberately break the smoothness of the work and intentionally make it choppy and disrupted, it won't work very well. (That said, I found out that if the poem has a solid enough bounce to it like I accidentally made it have in example 3, it seems to break those rules.)

(Examples)

SPOILER: Click to show

(1)

"Here, let me help," the bread maker said,
"You just need this pan, and the-" ...
"The bread."


(2)

I can't
believe
what you
just did
to me.

you thought
you could steal
my
heart.


(3)

I walked into the
candy shop; the
cashier said "hello." my
poem has a rhythm and
I don't know where to go.

God damn it, I don't know how to write bad examples. Oh well.


(4)

I walked into
the candy shop;
the cashier said "hello."
my poem has a rhythm
and I don't know where to go.

Interestingly enough, the rhythm works better in number three. So much for "good example, bad example."

So, thoughts on this? Ultimately, it doesn't matter much, but I guess I just find that it seems out of place sometimes as I'm reading things.

[anirbas]

Personally, I strive not to leave "the" at the end of a line. Conventionally, if I remember correctly, it is a conjunction/connective word in sentence structuring.

Amateur mistake or stylistic choice? Meh. Could be either or; or both, for that matter. I can only say, I prefer not to do it. Even to force a rhyme.

I can think of at least two poetry "structures" one might leave a conjunction "hanging" at the end of a line. What comes to mind, are automatic writing and enjambment.

[anirbas]

Addendum: Also, the device one is using to post or read a piece upon, effects sentence structure.

For instance, when I read from my desktop, a poem appears in one guise. But, if I read that same poem,
from my cell phone, I find the lines are chopped up in weird places.

[Deleted]

Sept 7, 2018 21:26:08 GMT -6 anirbas said:

Addendum: Also, the device one is using to post or read a piece upon, effects sentence structure.

For instance, when I read from my desktop, a poem appears in one guise. But, if I read that same poem,
from my cell phone, I find the lines are chopped up in weird places.

Yeah, that's why I usually choose to use desktop site, even on mobile. Otherwise things get out of place.

[phantasm]

I would say #4 works slightly better than #3.
It's a better incarnation of how the English language is supposed to work.
I am hardly a pro at the kind of poetry that subverts the linguistic conventions of English.
It's a low priority for me.

(See, I have an artistic streak; I also have a cerebral streak.
A lot of my personality is devoted to navigating the space between those two not-quite opposite impulses...)

[darkness0within]

Personally I would not use the 'the' at the end of a sentence. But that is my choice. But I can see where you're coming from Cat plant if you are using it to force a pause, perhaps to reflect on something.

Probably the only time I might use this is if I were cutting a sentence short by another dialog cutting into a conversation. Or someone who is about to die instantly.

But that's the beauty of writing. You can make of it as you will. There are so many styles to choose from, and each and every one of us here have their favourites I'm sure. None are better or worse than the other, they are just different ways to express what you want to.