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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 7:42:19 GMT -6
Someone told me this morning she is going to be leaving, WORST CHRISTMAS! I hadn't decorated yet,and now I'm not going to! I have something to grieve not celebrate!
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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 8:57:35 GMT -6
the only! and LAST person I will ever want! IS GOING AWAY FROM MY WORLD! it's not like we are close enough that I will ever see her after she retires except on Facebook God I hope she doesn't cut me off of her Facebook at least I can look at the last person I will ever feel that way about(and I do mean that!!!!! It is my firm intention to retire from desire after this one,I want her like I haven't wanted anyone in 40 years since my first girlfriend at 17) after a second feeling that strong that took 40 years to happen again, I am DONE.
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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 9:26:14 GMT -6
She wouldn't want me because she's straight but I guarantee you no one else is going to have me!
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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 10:58:08 GMT -6
this feels like a fuck you from God, first he let's me come across only the second person I've ever felt this way about 40 years after the first one & it's someone who will never want me then he lets me know she's going away, right at Christmas, "here's what u want, you cant have her or now even see her!"
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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 14:53:45 GMT -6
I hope God does send me someone I don't want as much, (since#2 took 40 years to come across anyone else is bound to be a lesser want) so i can turn that person away and tell God to shove that person up his asss!!!
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Post by aims on Dec 17, 2018 16:43:35 GMT -6
The only person I want in this whole freaking world God should have never let me even meet because first I can't have her and now she's going to go away and I'll never get to see her again and she is the one and only person I want no one else will do I knew I couldn't have her but now I'll never get to see her again when she leaves
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Post by aims on Dec 18, 2018 9:11:09 GMT -6
oh yeah I've prayed for her happiness these last 2 1/2 years but I am not that saintly and unselfish that I wasn't her to be happy never seeing me again and me being miserable never seeing her again and find this miserable news out 8 days before Christmas, what was my "friend" thinking, oh she needs to know this news that can't possibly make her anything but unhappy and damn it she needs to know it in time to ruin her Christmas!
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Post by aims on Dec 18, 2018 10:50:43 GMT -6
now that I know I'm going to have to avoid her if she does come around because I don't need to be crying @ work (even though I already am crying @ work) and not be able to explain why. and no I don't want to say goodbye to her because I am miserable knowing I'll never see her again!!!!
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Post by aims on Dec 20, 2018 11:28:42 GMT -6
I'm doing better than I expected at pretending everything is ok at work but I am dying to leave cant wait til 3pm. then I will take my daughter to practice driving take dog out then maybe I can go hibernate in my bed and not have to be conscious.
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Post by aims on Dec 20, 2018 13:09:22 GMT -6
I had lately come to love my job even more staying over extra half shifts when they were a little short handed, now I don't want to be here these last couple of days and I fear this place will be forever tinged with sadness for me. but the pay is the best in the area, it's close to home and parents and I am just too damn old to keep switching where I work. at his so sucks if I cant fr that happy & loving my job back
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Post by aims on Dec 20, 2018 23:02:35 GMT -6
At the time I didn't want to take credit for it, because I wanted her to feel loved and cared about, but when someone dear to her passed I bought her a card and got people to sign it, I didn't want credit for it because as I say it was wanting her to feel loved and cared about, and I know it wouldn't make any difference now but I wish somehow she knew that it wouldmn't have happened but for me loving her, but it doesn't matter.
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Post by anirbas on Jan 4, 2019 12:12:40 GMT -6
It literally took me eighteen years to get over someone I had fallen so deeply for that was transferred to another state due to employment. It was a long time ago, now. I don't ever want to feel that way over anyone, ever again. But, for what it's worth, I feel your pain, sweet woman. A lot of us walking around with broken hearts no one can see, or are even aware of...
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Post by aims on Jan 4, 2019 22:45:59 GMT -6
Thanks Sabrina,
I don't think I have to worry about ever feeling that way again,
it took 40 years to find #2 that I felt that way about,
I don't see there being a number 3 and anyway I am done with Love
dont plan on settling for lesser feelings either. Thanks,
for your caring comiseration,
it means alot,
makes me feel . . . less alone!
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Post by darkness0within on Jan 7, 2019 7:57:50 GMT -6
I am sorry aims. Life can throw you to the wolves sometimes.
A long time ago I met up with what I thought was my dream woman. Dated for a while and thought it was getting serious. I remember I bought her flowers from time to time. and always they were left to wither and die. that should have been a sign to me, but love sometimes blinds you from the truth.
Turns out she was seeing someone else. That was a hard reality to swallow at the time. Took me a long time to learn to trust again. and to love. I would never love another in the same way again.
But saying that I do feel we love each individual in a different way. I love my wife in ways that are different to the woman from the past. I would move heaven and earth for my wife, children, grandchildren so they were happy. My love for them is boundless. And I see the past as a reference book to look back on from time to time.
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