Post by phantasm on Feb 28, 2021 17:33:10 GMT -6
On January 15th, 2021, Vincent A. Yavnin died of a heart attack. He was 51.
His soul ascends to heaven and he finds himself sitting on a simple bench in a big, empty, white room. There's one other guy sitting with him on the bench, Caleb O'Shanahan.
Caleb says, "So, Vincent, how many points did you accumulate while you were on Earth? Me, I got 1.3 million and spare change. Oh, and that was after a lifetime of some 85 years."
Vincent asks, "Huh? Wha-- what do you mean?"
"Dude, there's a points system in play down there in the physical realm. Everything you say and do is ranked. Good stuff gets positive points. Bad stuff you do gets negative points."
Vincent feels like his body temperature drops a full point even though he knows he's dead. "Would you care to give me a few examples?"
Caleb reaches into his back pants pocket and gets out a pad of paper and a pen. He scribbles for about a minute, then hands the pad to Vincent.
Written on the pad is as follows:
THE GOOD STUFF:
Adopting a dog from the pound: +75.13 points
Helping your mother lift a heavy 24-pack of bottled water: +60.19 points
Reading a book of Russian Literature, cover-to-cover: +36.95 points
Volunteering 4 hrs at a food bank: +16.99 points
Giving someone a hug: +13.99 points
Giving someone a hug: +13.99 points
Giving a homeless person $5.00: +10.79 points
Giving the time of day to a total stranger on the street: +2.11 points
Participating in a surprise birthday party:
if they do like surprise birthday parties, +9.12 points
if they do not like surprise birthday parties, -4.96 points
THE BAD STUFF
Driving drunk: -45.33 points
Leaving a chick tract instead of a tip at a restaurant: -24.71 points
Flipping the bird at someone riding your tail while you're driving down the highway: -19.11 points
Smoking a cigarette: -14.95 points
No-show for a job interview: -11.11 points
Reading an article in People magazine: -9.15 points
Taking a selfie w/ your smartphone: -4.21 points
Vincent can't believe what he's reading. He looks up at Caleb incredulously. "How do you know all this?"
"I asked about how they know good people when they see them when I first arrived here. They gave me this really long list of positive and negative stuff. That's just a small sample off the list."
"But-- but-- but, I had no idea this existed! Do you realize how I would've lived my life differently if I had known about this list, do you, huh, well do you?" Vincent demands.
"That's kind of the point. You have no idea how certain words or deeds are ranked in the points system until after you're dead."
"But that's not fair!"
"That's the point," Caleb says.
